what to do when your titanic is sinking

She was a beautiful ship.  I launched her a few years ago, thinking she was ironclad and well constructed.  Hadn't heard from her in a while, so I assumed she was having a safe voyage to her final destination. I always figured no news was good news and I went on about life without giving her a second thought.

Until last Friday.

With one phone call, I found out there was massive devastation aboard ship.  She had sprung a leak about a year ago and unbeknownst to me, she had been filling with water for quite some time now and if she doesn't get fixed soon, she'll go down and take all of us with her.

The person on the other end of the phone told me it's way too late to run a bucket brigade or simply patch holes.

The damage has been done, and the only way to move forward with repairs is by drastically changing course and taking some very deliberate action.

Numbly I hung up the phone, trying to process everything I'd just been blindsided with.

I scrambled for answers.  I clawed for opportunities to make this right.  I grieved over the loss of what I thought was my foolproof design meant to sail the high seas flawlessly with no harm to me or my family. 

For hours, I wondered why God would allow this to happen.

To my perfect life.

When I finally calmed down and stopped crying long enough to listen, God whispered,  "This is by design.  You need this. I'm going to do something in your heart and life that I couldn't do unless I show you how to stop trusting in your own abilities."

Land, ho.

It's hard to learn humility.  It's uncomfortable to see how fallible I really am.  It's not enjoyable to see that any control I feel have is really only an illusion of control.

I am so not the master of my own destiny.  This experience has shown me that.

But on the other hand,

it is good to have my eyes opened.

It is wonderful to have a God who catches me when I fall.

And it is the best thing ever to realize He is doing this because He wants me to be more like Him, lacking nothing in this life.

God says in Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God desires to see me through this.   He doesn't leave me to drown, but instead throws me an anchor by showing me a promise in His word.   Once anchored, I can assess the damage with a level head and ask Him how to proceed.

So that's what I'm doing. For now, He's made it clear that it's time to rebuild; it's time for a total makeover.  Things will look different from here on in, but they will look like they should.

Like they were designed by Him instead of me.