Here's a concept I need to explore- Confidence. I realized in my prayer time this morning that I really don't have much of it..... in many areas. In my looks, my clothes, my hair for starters (these are First World problems and so self-centered I can't believe I'm actually saying them). Confidence that I am enough as is. Confidence that things for my children, me and my husband will turn out okay and that God is in control and He is working.
I hadn't realized I was lacking confidence, but after thinking about it, a part of me wonders if maybe that's a good thing to lack.
Let me explain.
In my experience, day-to-day confidence can fluctuate greatly for a woman (see First World Problems, above). We females put a lot of stock in our clothes coordinating, our doo turning out right and our makeup looking flawless each day to boost our confidence. Any one of those goes awry and there's trouble brewing. Layer on top of that our mental assessment of the shape, size and firmness/flabbiness of our bodies at the moment, and...well, you can see how the whole day can become a slippery slope before we even leave the house.
Part Most of me wishes I could be one of those women who go without makeup every day, pulling my hair back into an easy ponytail, looking how I look and still feeling confident. I am not there yet and most likely if I died tomorrow I would want to be buried with purple eye shadow on and a full sweep of mascara, and don't forget my earrings thank you very much. Last impressions and all that, you know.
But if my confidence in who I am is coming from my appearance, I'm in trouble. Big trouble. I believe most of us recognize this, but many of us still struggle with it. I know I do on a daily basis.
And there's more. I need spiritual confidence. You know - the kind that helps you to believe that God is in control and at work, which as far as I can tell translates seamlessly to the word "faith".
But still the word "confidence" sounds like pride to me, even when I'm putting it next to the word "spiritual". An I-don't-need-you-God-I-got-this kind of thing. I'm wondering what place confidence has in my spiritual walk and journey.
Does confidence blend with or work against faith and trust? Is it a trifecta of things that go together, or is confidence separate and worldly, neatly elbowing God out of the equation by putting the focus and trust in myself and how I feel on any given day?
As a Christian, what is my perspective on confidence?
What is yours?
I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.