my fear of fear

I've realized one of my biggest struggles.

It's not fear.

It's my fear of fear.

And that, as Sarah Young in Jesus Calling says, is a monstrous stepchild.

Very true.

So I need to wonder .... am I really afraid of the "thing" I say I am, or am I afraid of the anxiety, fear and trepidation I will feel surrounding it?

My actual mammogram takes only 20 minutes, but my fear lasts a week.  There's the  anxiety before the test, and real fear and trepidation afterward waiting for those results. 

My fear is not of having the test done. 

It's of how I'm going to feel in the time surrounding my appointment.

I have a fear of fear.

The good news is, it doesn't have to be this way.  When I'm afraid like that, when I'm afraid of my fear, it only shows one thing.

I'm not trusting God.

I'm admitting that I don't think He has this.

I'm not exhibiting any reliance on the One who made me and knows me better than I know myself. 

Fear of circumstances and trust in God cannot co-exist. 

My word for 2012 is "fearless".  I'm putting that into action when situations arise that I'd rather not go through or endure.  God is showing me, day by day, that He is able to take my fear and replace it with confidence.  He gives me a new perspective toward the things that spike my feverish anxiety and show me a positive side to stressful situations.

But I must put it in His hands, make a commitment to change my mindset, and live like I believe that

God's got this.

Because He does. 

Every. single. time.