After I wrote my "fear of failure" rant (see previous post), I realized that I wasn't trusting God with any of this. I needed to have faith that whatever happened, He was in control, not me. So, I jumped in with both feet and took the time I needed to write query letters for my manuscript, network with others online, join SCBWI, etc. I can't manipulate how it's all going to work out- I just need to be faithful with the parts I can do and trust Him with the rest. This pursuit of possible publication is something I love to do and I think I can relax about it because I'm not hanging my hat on it; if it happens, it happens.
But part of me slides toward panic. Why did I wait so long to to discover this love of mine? (as if I could unearth some desire years ago simply by willing it to happen). What if it's too late? What if I'm too old to start on the road/journey towards publication, recognizing this could take years...although I hardly think 29 is too old. (Ha. I wish). But God's timing is perfect. I cannot concern myself with why I didn't start sooner because I didn't. The only way to move is forward.
My devotional commentary for last week said, "There is nothing quite so fulfilling as completing an assignment for God. You did A, B and C, and you finished it! You stuck to it until the job was done. The joy comes, of course, when you are doing His work. I will lose heart if I consider the work mine."
Amen and amen.
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