An Honest Post for the New Year

I read this quote in an email yesterday in reference to the New Year-"May you find the perfect diet for your soul." It hit me like a ton of bricks and really resonated with me; along with finding the perfect diet (which I don't believe exists), I had been thinking a lot about what I'm looking for mentally - what my soul longs for - in this new year of 2010.

In my thinking- which was mostly done while driving a car, but that is where some of the best thinking is done - a light bulb went on in my head. I realized I don't set any goals for myself and actually achieve them. Or if I do set some, I tend to let them slip and never get around to finishing what I've started. I'm the queen of incompletion; I love to start with a big idea, make a couple of inroads, but often it doesn't go any further than that. Which brought me to my next point. I let myself down all the time; I am a constant disappointment to myself that I can't stick to something more than a few days, a few hours, a few weeks. Most of all this relates to the area of food, but there are some other things I also wish I could have done that I've not pursued.

I often look at others (with great disappointment in myself) who have achieved goals that I long for - those who have set out to lose weight and have really done it (and kept it off), teachers around me who have taken courses and completed them, gotten or furthered their degrees and gone to school after work and at night and at impossible times that with working all day and a family they shouldn't even be able to squeeze in the time for.

I wrote in my journal last night that I'm thinking I don't push myself very much. I want to see accomplishments in my life, but I don't carve out time to make them happen. I am determined that 2010 will be different, and this time I am convinced it can be because I've identified a root problem. I want results without putting any effort forth toward them. I cannot have it both ways.

Then, of course my mind gets all sorts of goals going, and I think whoa, slow down...if I take on 5 lofty things, I'll end up disappointing myself again because I'll have too much on my plate and won't accomplish any of them, either.

So I've narrowed it down to just one or two things I'd like to see happen in my life, and feel that I've been able to crystalize what I've been mulling over in my head instead of being mentally all over the place. God helped me to see clearly what's important to me and for me. And even tho a lot of my passion recently has been geared toward developing the craft of writing in my life, I don't feel the need to name "writing" as a goal, because it is something I love to do (like I'm doing now) and I don't need to remind myself to do it. Other goals- like losing weight and taking online classes- are going to need my full attention.

These are my thoughts on January 1, 2010. A couple of good quotes I saw online this morning that speak to these issues -

"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life." Greg Anderson

"Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them."- Orison Swett Marden

December 31, 2010, will come in 364 days whether I've accomplished my goals or not. What would I like to be able to say I've done when that night comes around and I'm reflecting back on the year that I'm just about to start?