Dreams

Today was one of those days where a recurring theme kept coming up.

And today's lesson was....dreams.

This morning I was preparing to teach about Joseph revealing himself to his brothers and seeing a 22 year dream fulfilled.  What an amazing feeling that must have been.  Joseph received what a lot of us long for;  a sense of closure from God as he realized his dreams had not been forgotten.

This afternoon I clicked on an ad/link to the right of my Facebook page- which I never do for fear I'll download every computer virus known to man - and it took me to a website that emails daily challenges for healthy living.  It looked innocent enough so I signed up and got taken right to today's challenge.  It read,

"Define your dream."

Ok, you don't have to tell me twice.  Or maybe you do.

Anyway, I got the picture loud and clear.  God wants me to learn or work on something to do with my dreams.

But let me ask you this - how do we know which dreams are from God and which ones are just of our own making? 

24 hours

Another dawn.  Another day.  You've just gotten out of bed but you're already out of breath.  You wring your hands while looking at the last twinkling star in the dark sky of early morning and think, What will today be like?  Easier than yesterday? Harder? Can I really do this again?

God gives each of us a set of 24 hours.  My sets used to be straightforward and rather simple, but since Christmas they've been upsetting, unsettling, shifting like sand and at times downright frightening.  They've carved more out of me than I thought I had to give, and 8 hours sleep (if I'm lucky) doesn't often seem like enough time to refuel and get up and do it all over again.

When someone you live with is hurting, when someone you love deeply is a shell of their former self, when someone you gave life to doesn't want it anymore,

your world changes.

Your perspective shifts.

Your focus blurs,

and nothing looks the same.

But God never changes.  You cling to that truth even when you wonder if there really is a God. 

Just because your world is bouncing like a yo-yo on a string doesn't mean that God doesn't still have His finger in the loophole, keeping you tethered to Him whether you feel close or far from His presence.

The current set of 24 hours passes.  You look back and wonder how you got through it all.  And then you remember how.

It's because there really is a God.

greener grass

  Whine.  Complain.  Moan.  Groan.  I'm disappointed in the Isrealites when I read about them.  They just didn't get it.  God got them out of a terrible situation, yet it doesn't take them long to launch into a tirade of complaints about their new set of circumstances.  Not only that, they look back with rose colored glasses and want to return to some of the worst days of their lives.

At one point they are wailing about their current menu. They are actually weeping.   They are bending Moses' ear saying, "If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we used to eat in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions and the garlic...."

And let's not forget the slavery.

Whine. Complain. Moan. Groan.  I'm disappointed in myself when I see how I act.  I just don't get it.  God gets me out of a terrible situation, yet it doesn't take me long to launch into a tirade of complaints about my new set of circumstances.  Not only that, I look back with rose colored glasses and want to return to some of the worst days of my life.

Lord, where I am now is where you want me to be.  There's no need to return and live in the past.  The slavery is over; what you've given me now is so much better.  Please remind me of that when I look back and see only greener grass - help me to remember that there was also a weed or two.

when it all makes sense

We have a jigsaw puzzle out on our kitchen table right now that my husband and sons constructed a few weeks ago.  It was a good activity for a snowy evening; the three of them worked almost silently as they each tackled a section piece by piece.  As puzzles always go, after much trial and error all the pieces went together in the part they were working on individually, and they joined their 3 large sections together to create the entire picture.  Then it all made sense.  The work was finished and now there was a small masterpiece to behold.

Our family has just come through a time where we've had to wait a long while before any of the pieces of the life puzzle we were trying to put together made sense.  For months we just kept pushing the pieces around the tabletop, trying to make them fit with this or that one, but we never got the connection we sought after. Despair and frustration ruled in force; unanswered prayers went up constantly; fear and dread managed most of our days.

Then this past weekend, the first piece found its partner.  Then another did.  And another.  Without fanfare or preamble or introduction, God worked silently to start to join the tattered edges together so that one of these days we are going to behold the whole masterpiece. I've waited a long time to see even a bit of the puzzle come to life, and I'm starting to make out a bit of the picture that's emerging as each day gets us a bit closer to having it all make sense.

God is in the waiting.  God designed the puzzle.  And God will put it all back together again one of these days.

Under the Wrapping

It should have been easy.  I had a small package to mail to my daughter but I was missing the right kind of paper to wrap around my makeshift box so that it could actually make the trip. 

I hunted.  I searched.  I cleaned out closets.  I tried cutting a brown shopping bag down to size but it came out too small.  I was getting frustrated.  Such a simple thing- mailing a package.  Such a frustrating roadblock - not having the proper supplies.

I remembered I had some hot pink wrapping paper stashed away.  She loves that color, I said to myself, and got out the roll.  Wow, I thought.  This will catch some attention in the mail room.

The first wrap around the package looked gorgeous, but the paper was so thin I knew it wouldn't hold up.  Thinking maybe a double layer would do the trick, I grabbed the edge to get a larger piece. As I unrolled it, out came the stiff center paper that was the core, the innards, the hot pink's support system.

It was sturdy.  It was thick.  It was brown.

It was exactly what I needed.

I realized the irony of the situation.  Who knew that underneath the bright color that caught my eye was the material I was seeking - what I'd been searching for all along.  I had to get to the end to find it, but when I did, I knew it was the answer.

How often do I wrap my life in the pretty stuff, trying to hold it all together, when actually what I am depending on is too thin to adequately enable my package to make its entire journey ?  If only I'd strip away all the surfac-y material that just looks nice but actually serves no purpose, I would get to my heart, my core, the me God created, and realize that He was there all along and has always been supporting me.

And that's how I want my life wrapped.

His Voice Alone

Fun news!  I'm excited to announce that I've been accepted as a regular contributor on the website, "His Voice Alone".  My post is up today- and we'd love it if you would go check it out -thanks!

Here's the link -
               http://hisvoicealone.com/?p=102

See you there!

Back to Blogging

Would anyone notice?  I asked myself.

Would anyone care? I wondered.

If I just walked away from my blog and let it die a natural death, would anyone miss it?

I thought about these things one day as I was realizing I hadn't blogged much lately.  A tough fall and winter had seemed to take it out of me- getting through each day and being there for those who needed me during that time was enough to fill each set of 24 hours.
 
Then out of the blue the other day I got an email from a friend who wrote, " Hey Beth, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog.  I read all of 2010 the other day.  Your writing has really improved.  By that I mean that it feels more natural to me.  I am a bit of a wanna be writer myself and always enjoy "good" writing.  I could really see your growth over the last two years.  Good job!  Keep it up.  I admire your goal setting and the accomplishment that shows.  Thanks for sharing your life, struggles and joys.  I found I could relate to a lot of what you were saying even though the circumstances were different.  Thanks again.  Looking forward to reading more."

What a blessing.  What a re-charge.  I gave her a call to thank her for the shot in the arm she provided and to let her know how much it meant to me.   I assured her I would be blogging again; it was about time. 

I couldn't help but pick up on her line that said, "I am a bit of a wanna be writer myself." I encouraged her to go for it  - to start blogging and see where it would lead.  If you'd like to follow her, her blog is here.

It's all about community- supporting one another and having each other's backs.

Speaking of which- it worked for me.  It feels good to be back.