christmas light

“Where are the Christmas lights?”

In my pre-dawn just-getting-up haze, I wondered why my sister who lived two hours away was texting me about holiday decorations.

I blinked the blur out of my eyes and looked at my phone again.  This time I was able to read her question.

“Where is the light that is Christmas?”

I knew exactly what she meant.

At this time of the year, when all seems merriment and and caroling and sleighfuls of joy, life still has ample room for grief and loss, sadness and pain.  Death has no calendar of holidays to avoid, and those left behind can find it hard to swing back onto the carousel of festivity that everyone else seems to be riding. 

Decembers can be difficult.

I've asked myself a similar question at times ... "Why is this happening? Where is the good? How can this possibly be Your plan?"


When I was growing up, at this time of year there would appear on the horizon a light far in the distance that we could see from our house.  I remember learning that it was the light on a Christmas star that was put up each year on an old lookout tower quite a few miles away. 

As a young girl I looked for it each December, and when I could gaze out our dining room window and see that little light, I knew the holiday season had arrived. 

For me as a child, it was the light that was Christmas.

Often in those Decembers there were rainy nights, snowy nights, foggy evenings. I'd look to the horizon and search with my eyes only to come up empty.  I couldn't see the light.  I knew it was there, but there were obstacles blocking my view and I just had to be patient and wait until the next night or the night after that when there would be clearer weather and I could see the twinkle of that star's illumination once again.

When I did, it made me smile.

In the December winter of life, be patient.  Jesus, the one true Light that is Christmas, is still there.  He hasn't moved.  He didn't leave.  He isn't going away.

You just need to wait for the weather to clear, and you'll see Him shining brightly once again.

And I bet it'll make you smile.

half a century

I'm 50.  Today. That's according to years. 

I realize there are different ways to say it.

I'm 5 in decades.

I'm half a century if you're going by that time frame.

I don't even want to know what I am in months or days though, thank you very much.

There's that phrase, "It's not the years in your life, but the life in your years that counts."  I can honestly say that is true. 

Someone asked me the other day how I felt about this landmark birthday.  I told her I was thrilled- I will wear it like a badge of honor.  To get to 50 really feels like something. 

Something accomplished. 

Something to be remembered. 

Something to celebrate.

Only God knows how many more birthdays I will have, so until that time....I plan on continuing to put life into my years while I remain close and thankful to Him. 

Now off to live my 51st year.....

Under the Wrapping

It should have been easy.  I had a small package to mail to my daughter but I was missing the right kind of paper to wrap around my makeshift box so that it could actually make the trip. 

I hunted.  I searched.  I cleaned out closets.  I tried cutting a brown shopping bag down to size but it came out too small.  I was getting frustrated.  Such a simple thing- mailing a package.  Such a frustrating roadblock - not having the proper supplies.

I remembered I had some hot pink wrapping paper stashed away.  She loves that color, I said to myself, and got out the roll.  Wow, I thought.  This will catch some attention in the mail room.

The first wrap around the package looked gorgeous, but the paper was so thin I knew it wouldn't hold up.  Thinking maybe a double layer would do the trick, I grabbed the edge to get a larger piece. As I unrolled it, out came the stiff center paper that was the core, the innards, the hot pink's support system.

It was sturdy.  It was thick.  It was brown.

It was exactly what I needed.

I realized the irony of the situation.  Who knew that underneath the bright color that caught my eye was the material I was seeking - what I'd been searching for all along.  I had to get to the end to find it, but when I did, I knew it was the answer.

How often do I wrap my life in the pretty stuff, trying to hold it all together, when actually what I am depending on is too thin to adequately enable my package to make its entire journey ?  If only I'd strip away all the surfac-y material that just looks nice but actually serves no purpose, I would get to my heart, my core, the me God created, and realize that He was there all along and has always been supporting me.

And that's how I want my life wrapped.

Thanksgiving in the Poconos

It was a quiet, peaceful, food and fun-filled getaway!

 

giving grace in a turkey moment

"Great things come in the unexpected".

That was a quote I profoundly came up with after a wonderful start to my week where the days were good, fun surprises just kept coming around every corner, and the world was my playground. Ah, what a life. I should have known that days spent floating on the mountaintop meant the valley couldn't be far behind.

Lucky me. One day not long after, I found out that not so great things also come in the unexpected.

This particular November mid-afternoon found me struggling with an issue that I couldn't have possibly seen coming. I was blindsided. Stunned. Incredulous. A "this can't possibly be happening" feeling overwhelmed me. It overwhelmed others very close to me too, and I felt their pain. With one phone call, my day had turned on a dime and my sunny outlook turned grim. Hello, valley.

After working things through with the involved parties at the end of that day, life leveled out a degree or two and I was just starting to regain a slight sense of balance the next morning when the second blow hit. This time it was a daughter in tears on the phone, unable to register for spring semester classes at her college due to lack of a required physical, thereby blocking her online records and her ability to do the urgent task at hand. As I sat in my desk chair at work listening to her, I was completely at a loss as to how to help her from 100 miles away. My head started to pound with this new pressure being set squarely on top of the tension still fresh from yesterday that had barely started to clear. Could this much really be happening in such a short period of time? Seemed so, because “happening” it was.

Whereas dilemma number one's resolution hadn't yet fully materialized, problem number two had God showing up in a big way and fast. At the time of my damsel in distress's phonecall, I had approximately 20 free minutes at school between classes. Still doing accomplishable work tasks while I set up command central on my cell phone, I placed call after call to various sources trying to help her. My husband offered to make as many 100 mile round trips as needed to get her home and back if she needed to see our family doctor. Finally, phone call number three for me was the charm- the health services office at her university assured me that if she placed a call to them, they would waive the restriction and off to registration-land she could go. My panic lessened; solutions were on the horizon. I called her, she called them, and in minutes she had a spring schedule and was on her way to the rest of her day.

And my 20 minute window had just expired.

Fortunately as that day continued it held no more surprises good or bad, which was fine with me. After a quick dinner out, I stopped at the store. i proceeded to get in what appeared to be the shortest checkout line. (If you've ever shopped, you know what's coming next.) The woman in front of me was trying to redeem her grocery store coupon for her free turkey. She had a lovely looking bird there, but as I caught the conversation, I could hear the store employees telling her she had picked too nice a catch. Her choice was definitely a turkey upgrade from what the free coupon allowed for... instead of getting the nice fresh gobbler, I think she was supposed to have chosen the frozen block of meat that resembled a bowling ball.

They tried voiding the purchase. We waited.

They tried voiding the whole order. We waited.

They tried fooling the register into thinking that she really had purchased the right fowl.

We waited some more.

Five minutes passed. A store employee went to get another turkey, and when she reappeared, it sure looked to all of us in line like the same brand of turkey that had just been denied only minutes before.

So, again we waited.

As all good responsible shoppers do, the lady who was trying to buy this bird turned to us line-waiters and got very apologetic.  Sadly for her, the line was getting longer and longer, the employees were running out of options, and the cash register was still locked up. What to do, her eyes pleaded; what to do?

For me, this waiting was not a bad thing. I had been in constant motion and on my feet all day, so to stand still in the same place for five to ten minutes wasn't bothering me one bit. In actuality, it felt great to not complain and just enjoy my extra time between the candy and the magazines. When Mrs. Turkey Buyer turned to me and started bashfully apologizing for how long this was taking and how she was holding things up, I seized the opportunity to spread a little Thanksgiving cheer. I just looked at her and said, "Hey - if this is the worst thing that happens to me all day, then I'm doing pretty good."

She looked relieved.

I continued, "After what I've been through in the past twenty four hours, this is nothing. I don't know about the rest of the line, but I'm in no hurry; I'm fine. Take your time." Her face showed extreme gratitude and appreciation, and inwardly I felt that I had just learned that it's all about perspective. I was tired and looking for a rest; she got the wrong plucked piece of meat and had held up the entire checkout line. Together, we had the perfect storm.

On a different day, if I was late and pressed for time, I might not have reacted quite as gracefully (shame on me). But it didn't happen on another day; it happened to me on a day after a very bad run of life events.  It gave me a new sensitivity; I could sense that Miss Mis-turkey needed a break, and God knew He had taught me enough in the past twenty-four hours to put me in the position to give it to her.

It was then I realized it had been worth going through all I’d gone through in order to be able to give a little grace in a turkey moment.

And I can only hope she would have done the same for me.

the accidental tourist

I took this picture as we were sitting outside the bookstore at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago.  We had seen two Amish families inside with their children, perusing the items and being tourists just like we were.  I love this picture- the non-straight walk of the little boy as they go off hand in hand into the sunset, just like any other Grand Canyon visitor coming out of the bookstore that afternoon.

Except that they were Amish.

It was very refreshing to me that this time, they were the tourists. 

Where I live in Pennsylvania, I'm used to the tourists going to them. 

Now I know where they go to get away from it all..... 

the gift of getting it all done

I'm breathing a little easier.

I think I finally got it all done.

For now.

October was a wild month- an 8-day missions trip smack dab in the middle of the month surrounded by full time work before and after; an-all day women's workshop event two weeks after our return (with my part having to be cancelled due to the freak East Coast Halloween snowstorm, thank you very much); four college application processes to go through with my high school senior before the end of the month, plus the daily grind of, well, the daily grind.

During the craziness, I would come home from my workday and start right in at my home office and work until I needed to sleep.  Every day had a list - a long one- of things that needed to be tended to, paid, written, applied for, or called about.

I was getting exhausted.

But as of last night, it was all done.  All the catching up, all the running around, all the phonecalls and bills and applications.  And I could look back and say- this free time I have now is truly a gift.  I can appreciate it completely because of the burning-the- candle-at-both-ends kind of schedule I had to keep up these past few weeks.

And I learned that for a season, I can work at an intense pace and still be nice.

Through it all, God gave me grace to handle it.  I ran out of hours before I ran out of patience;  I had everything I needed just when I needed it; I didn't sweat the small stuff or the big stuff, but instead I barged ahead and kept going figuring it would all work out.

It did. God is good.

Time to go enjoy my gift!