Chocolate for the Heart

time flies

2012-02-07T19:44:00.003-05:00

Three years ago today, I started this blog and wrote my first post. I cannot believe it's been that long.

Since February 7, 2009, this blog has veered off course from its original intent plenty of times. And that's okay, because I was exploring different avenues of what I wanted to write about. But for quite some time I've been wanting to come back around and write a post that speaks to that very first one.

The one where I was starting a journey on the road to publication.

I won't go into all the details, but I will happily report that after beginning this blog, I met and co-authored a book (a fractured fairy tale, to be exact) with Corey Schwartz of Thing 1 and Thing 2 titled "Goldi Rocks and the Three Bear Band". Corey and I wrote the entire manuscript online and didn't meet each other until after our manuscript was purchased by Putnam. It will hopefully be out on bookshelves (if they still exist by then) sometime in the spring of 2014.

Amazing!

We are excited about this, and will keep you updated as the date for publication draws near. The publishing industry moves slowly, so there is a lot of down time/wait time between a publishing house's purchase of a manuscript and someone holding the complete, ready-for-sale book in their hands.

So, there it is. I've come full circle; my blog has come full circle. And where writing and picture books and continued pursuits and endeavors will take me from here, I have no idea. Only time- and God's plans - will tell.

Thank you for your support of my blog- I love writing and I love being here.

Blessings to you!

changing me

2012-02-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

I get up early...just in time to see the dawn breaking.

I watch the sky and clouds turn different colors as the sun threatens to push over the horizon.

One recent morning the clouds were nothing more than brown, sullen stripes across a still dark sky. As I watched, the brown turned to a soft hue of pink that complemented the new-day blue all around it.

Same clouds, but this time reflecting light instead of darkness.

I thought of the things on my mind... the concerns that stretched like brown sullen stripes across the horizon of my next 24 hours.

They were reflecting the dark, and were just waiting for some light to shine on them.

The kind of light that comes from prayer.

So I talked to God and told Him what was troubling me....and felt the brown turn to pink, the tense turn to calm, and the fear trade places with trust.

Prayer changes me.

just wait...

2012-02-02T20:30:00.005-05:00

I had something I wanted to share with you.

As a matter of fact, I still have something I want to share with you.

But I discovered a reason tonight to wait a little while longer.

Not a lot longer, just a little.

Like, until next Tuesday.

Wait for it.....

join me!

2012-01-25T07:04:00.005-05:00

Click here to join me over on (in)courage today! See you there!

posting on (in)courage tomorrow

2012-01-24T11:07:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while you just need a piece of fun news.

So let's have some fun.

I'm guest posting on (in)courage tomorrow, Wednesday January 25th!

Please stop by and check out this incredible website for women - an online beach house just for us gals. You will find amazing people and incredible faith there waiting for you with open arms and hearts.

A slice of heaven on earth!

See you there tomorrow!

fearless

2012-01-22T15:22:00.000-05:00

   Many thanks to Melanie Moore from Only A Breath for designing this beautiful graphic for me with my one word for 2012! It's perfect.

   It seems that as soon as I chose my word, life unleashed events that would put it to the test.

   When that happened, I smiled. I knew I was doing something right.

   Even now, at almost the end of January when 2012 is still a newborn, I find myself heading to panic in certain situations and I have to stop myself and remember......

Fearless.

And it's as if I can audibly hear God saying, "Bring it to me. Turn it over to me. Am I the God that you trust, or not so much? I can handle this. Believe me."

So once again, I lay it down for Him to pick up and carry away from me.

Just where it needs to be.

it's in the cards

2012-01-15T16:21:00.000-05:00

Have you ever received a card at just the right time- maybe it lifted your spirits, made you laugh, brought a smile, touched your heart...the list can go on and on. It's amazing how much power is packed into a simple card!

My sister sent me one last year when I was going through a particularly rough time, and the verse on it was about the strength of an oak tree. I wept as I read it, because it spoke exactly to what I needed to hear at that moment. That card will be in my "stuff to keep" pile forever, because I will remember how God used it to assure me that He was with me, that I might bend but I would not break, and that He would be my strength.

I love sending cards - it's a simple, inexpensive, yet powerful ministry. Knowing how I have felt being the recipient of cards that really spoke to me, I love the possibility that a card I send will get to the intended person just when they most need it.

Upon my request, Dayspring sent me a beautiful card pack with a magnificent card holder/organizer so that I will have no excuse to ever miss another birthday, anniversary, or important holiday again! (DaySpring gave me the free product to review and all opinions stated are my own.) I chose the Holley Gerth Hope and Encouragement 10-card assortment, and they are lovely in every way. The theme for January's card packs is encouragement, and I will be using the cards to send to special women in my life who are champions in what they do in their lives, their homes, their workplaces and their families.

Now here's the really good news- You can join in the fun! All you need to do is click here to go to Dayspring's Inspired Deals page. Dayspring wants to help provide you with cards to share joy throughout the year, for any occasion, so they are giving away two card packs to 200 winners. Hurry! All you have to do is share a card sending goal that you are setting for yourself this year - easy peasy.

Enjoy, and happy sending!

strength

2012-01-13T11:24:00.002-05:00

So far, I've lived 12 days of 2012.

To date, it feels like 12 years.

In the past 12 days, I've been grown and stretched and pressed and molded in ways I didn't see coming...all to make me more like Jesus.

There's a verse I discovered at the end of 2011 that blows me away....for those days when I have no idea what's ahead, or better yet, for those days I do think I know what's coming, yet life goes a completely different direction.

Deuteronomy 33:25 says, "The bolts of your gates will be iron and bronze, and your strength will equal your days."

Think about that for a moment.

Your strength will equal your days.

That's huge.

When it comes to strength, there's no need to fear that you won't have enough to get through whatever you're going through. Because it's not up to you to dispense it.

God's got your back. He will give you what you need when you need it. He knows how much or how little you'll endure in the next 24 hours, and He'll dose out enough strength to match, to equal, your day.

So breathe a sigh of relief. There's no need to worry.

There's every need to trust.

just. one. word.

2012-01-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

There's a lot of talk on the blogosphere right now about choosing a word, just one, to encapsulate the vision for your life in 2012. I love the idea, and love that it's catching and spreading. It's a great challenge!

My word?

Fearless.

I wrote about it here, on (in)courage.

What's your word?

Leave it in the comment section, and then hop on over to oneword365.com and join in the fun!

resolute

2012-01-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't love New Year's Day?

We're at the top of the calendar. We're on page 1 of a new year. We've erased from our minds - or learned from - the last year, and usually are glad to put it behind us and move on.

Who doesn't love a fresh start, a clean slate, a new run on life?

Even if you aren't in the habit of making resolutions, the start-over feel of January 1st simply can't compare with any other day of the year.

Not even January 2nd.

By tomorrow, most of us are back to work, back to life, back to the daily grind, whatever that may be. Some of us love our daily grind, others not so much.

I'm finally old enough to realize that soon and very soon, life is going to hit me smack in the face again. January 1st will be over, and January 2nd is going to feel like any given day I had last year.

That newness will be gone. The fresh quickly becomes stale.

But only if I let it.

The resolute in "resolution" comes when it's February 11th and we are still sticking to the way we wanted to do life differently when the ball dropped. And then when we're at July 30th and we look back and say, "Yes! I've done what I promised myself I'd do, by God's grace and with His help. I am so glad I did this." And our faith grows and our trust grows and we even start to believe in ourselves a little more than we did before.

True excitement comes when it's December 31st and our pondering over the past year brings joy to our hearts and smiles to our faces. Not necessarily because it's been an easy year, but because we've been true to who we are; we have spent the past 365 days living an authentic life. We've not let ourselves down. We are who God made us to be and we are not afraid to show it and we have gone through the past year letting Him shine through us each and every day.

To live a life like this is my heartbeat for 2012. I don't enter into it lightly, but I am entering into it. More details to follow on what I mean by that.

I'd love to have you join in and together, we can see where we are on December 31st, 2012.

Who's with me?

one thing

2011-12-31T17:15:00.001-05:00

It's impossible on New Year's Eve not to reflect on what's past and cast hope for what is yet to come. I feel poised on the edge of something, and I'm ready to make 2012 happen in a very good way.

A few realizations from 2011 -

- Now that I'm 50, I'm not nearly as concerned with looks as I am with attitude and perspective.

- I'm more easily able to turn off the self talk that's played in my head for years (about myself and others) and I'm happy to see it go.

- I really do remember how to drive a stick shift.

- I'm amazed at the power of the mind and how it influences and determines every choice we make, from what's on our plates to what we believe about ourselves (right or wrong).

- God can be trusted through thick and thin, and is with me 24/7. No one else can make that claim.

What is one thing you've learned in 2011, and what's your highest hope for 2012?

the best way

2011-12-30T12:50:00.003-05:00

A bolt - a movable bar or rod that when slid into a socket fastens a door, gate, etc.

To bolt - a sudden dash, run, flight, or escape.

The same word, but with two very different meanings depending on the small word in front of it. And the "to bolt" is what I've been using food to do for a good part of my life.

In Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth, she devotes her third chapter, "Resist the Inclination to Bolt", to this concept. She aptly describes how we easily use food to escape the moment, get away from reality, and avoid facing what is going on right in front of us (and of course, we can put other words like money, drugs, or work in place of the word "food" above). The more I re-read this chapter that I had read a year ago, the more I see myself blatantly in those pages, in those words.

It is much harder to stay in the moment than to placate it with chocolate. It is much easier to run to the kitchen than to face the emotional heartbreak that keeps coming through the door some days. It is more difficult to watch your or your loved one's world crumble without eating it away as a temporary salve to the pain.

But the food doesn't fix a thing. It can't. That's giving it a power it doesn't have.

The good news is, we are more resilient than we think. If we will choose to do so, we can stand strong during the worst of moments and find ourselves still standing (and our cupboards still full and undisturbed) after the storm has passed. Our answer is in Joshua 1, where God tells us, "Be strong and courageous! I will never leave you nor forsake you."

It stands to reason that if we have nowhere to turn, we will most likely consume something to conquer our feelings. As believers, we have somewhere to turn. We have somewhere to run. We have somewhere to bolt.

It's to God's everlasting arms.

Try Him the next time circumstances have you reaching for the cookies. I guarantee the results will be better than what food could ever give you.

(If you struggle with this food issue as I do, I'd love to hear from you. Leave me a comment below and you will be read and prayed for.)

permanent christmas trees

2011-12-22T13:25:00.001-05:00

I drove past our local garden center last whose outdoor sign read, "Permanent Christmas trees." Hmm. That phrase made me stop and think a minute. Permanent Christmas trees.....or, how about, permanent Christmas?

Every year, thousands of people go and buy a beautiful, live, cut Christmas tree to display in their home. And every year after the season is over, thousands of people haul said tree out to the woods or the trash and dispose of it in a timely manner.

It's served its purpose, done its duty, and is now to be tossed. The same icon that was so necessary to herald in the season is put out to pasture, soon to be forgotten.

I'm afraid sometimes I do that with Jesus. I feel the desperate need for Him for a season, and then things get better, easier, and I tend to take over. And while I don't exactly haul Him to the dumpster when simpler days come along, soon there's a bit of dust on my Bible and I find myself shooting up quick prayers of apology that I don't have more time to spend with Him because life is good again and I'm just too busy.

Just like a permanent Christmas tree can be taken home, invited in, and planted in soil to root and grow, I need to remember that because I've asked Him to be there, Jesus is a permanent resident in my heart. It's always Christmas, because the gift of Him is always there, walking with me day by day. As He takes hold of my life and I find myself rooted and growing in Him, it becomes clear that there's no other place I'd rather be.

He's found a permanent home in me.

christmas light

2011-12-06T14:56:00.001-05:00

“Where are the Christmas lights?”

In my pre-dawn just-getting-up haze, I wondered why my sister who lived two hours away was texting me about holiday decorations.

I blinked the blur out of my eyes and looked at my phone again. This time I was able to read her question.

“Where is the light that is Christmas?”

I knew exactly what she meant.

At this time of the year, when all seems merriment and and caroling and sleighfuls of joy, life still has ample room for grief and loss, sadness and pain. Death has no calendar of holidays to avoid, and those left behind can find it hard to swing back onto the carousel of festivity that everyone else seems to be riding.

Decembers can be difficult.

I've asked myself a similar question at times ... "Why is this happening? Where is the good? How can this possibly be Your plan?"

When I was growing up, at this time of year there would appear on the horizon a light far in the distance that we could see from our house. I remember learning that it was the light on a Christmas star that was put up each year on an old lookout tower quite a few miles away.

As a young girl I looked for it each December, and when I could gaze out our dining room window and see that little light, I knew the holiday season had arrived.

For me as a child, it was the light that was Christmas.

Often in those Decembers there were rainy nights, snowy nights, foggy evenings. I'd look to the horizon and search with my eyes only to come up empty. I couldn't see the light. I knew it was there, but there were obstacles blocking my view and I just had to be patient and wait until the next night or the night after that when there would be clearer weather and I could see the twinkle of that star's illumination once again.

When I did, it made me smile.

In the December winter of life, be patient. Jesus, the one true Light that is Christmas, is still there. He hasn't moved. He didn't leave. He isn't going away.

You just need to wait for the weather to clear, and you'll see Him shining brightly once again.

And I bet it'll make you smile.

half a century

2011-12-03T11:40:00.001-05:00

I'm 50. Today. That's according to years.

I realize there are different ways to say it.

I'm 5 in decades.

I'm half a century if you're going by that time frame.

I don't even want to know what I am in months or days though, thank you very much.

There's that phrase, "It's not the years in your life, but the life in your years that counts." I can honestly say that is true.

Someone asked me the other day how I felt about this landmark birthday. I told her I was thrilled- I will wear it like a badge of honor. To get to 50 really feels like something.

Something accomplished.

Something to be remembered.

Something to celebrate.

Only God knows how many more birthdays I will have, so until that time....I plan on continuing to put life into my years while I remain close and thankful to Him.

Now off to live my 51st year.....

Under the Wrapping

2011-12-01T18:10:00.001-05:00

It should have been easy. I had a small package to mail to my daughter but I was missing the right kind of paper to wrap around my makeshift box so that it could actually make the trip.

I hunted. I searched. I cleaned out closets. I tried cutting a brown shopping bag down to size but it came out too small. I was getting frustrated. Such a simple thing- mailing a package. Such a frustrating roadblock - not having the proper supplies.

I remembered I had some hot pink wrapping paper stashed away. She loves that color, I said to myself, and got out the roll. Wow, I thought. This will catch some attention in the mail room.

The first wrap around the package looked gorgeous, but the paper was so thin I knew it wouldn't hold up. Thinking maybe a double layer would do the trick, I grabbed the edge to get a larger piece. As I unrolled it, out came the stiff center paper that was the core, the innards, the hot pink's support system.

It was sturdy. It was thick. It was brown.

It was exactly what I needed.

I realized the irony of the situation. Who knew that underneath the bright color that caught my eye was the material I was seeking - what I'd been searching for all along. I had to get to the end to find it, but when I did, I knew it was the answer.

How often do I wrap my life in the pretty stuff, trying to hold it all together, when actually what I am depending on is too thin to adequately enable my package to make its entire journey ? If only I'd strip away all the surfac-y material that just looks nice but actually serves no purpose, I would get to my heart, my core, the me God created, and realize that He was there all along and has always been supporting me.

And that's how I want my life wrapped.

Thanksgiving in the Poconos

2011-11-25T21:03:00.001-05:00

It was a quiet, peaceful, food and fun-filled getaway!

giving grace in a turkey moment

2011-11-17T20:21:00.001-05:00

"Great things come in the unexpected".

That was a quote I profoundly came up with after a wonderful start to my week where the days were good, fun surprises just kept coming around every corner, and the world was my playground. Ah, what a life. I should have known that days spent floating on the mountaintop meant the valley couldn't be far behind.

Lucky me. One day not long after, I found out that not so great things also come in the unexpected.

This particular November mid-afternoon found me struggling with an issue that I couldn't have possibly seen coming. I was blindsided. Stunned. Incredulous. A "this can't possibly be happening" feeling overwhelmed me. It overwhelmed others very close to me too, and I felt their pain. With one phone call, my day had turned on a dime and my sunny outlook turned grim. Hello, valley.

After working things through with the involved parties at the end of that day, life leveled out a degree or two and I was just starting to regain a slight sense of balance the next morning when the second blow hit. This time it was a daughter in tears on the phone, unable to register for spring semester classes at her college due to lack of a required physical, thereby blocking her online records and her ability to do the urgent task at hand. As I sat in my desk chair at work listening to her, I was completely at a loss as to how to help her from 100 miles away. My head started to pound with this new pressure being set squarely on top of the tension still fresh from yesterday that had barely started to clear. Could this much really be happening in such a short period of time? Seemed so, because “happening” it was.

Whereas dilemma number one's resolution hadn't yet fully materialized, problem number two had God showing up in a big way and fast. At the time of my damsel in distress's phonecall, I had approximately 20 free minutes at school between classes. Still doing accomplishable work tasks while I set up command central on my cell phone, I placed call after call to various sources trying to help her. My husband offered to make as many 100 mile round trips as needed to get her home and back if she needed to see our family doctor. Finally, phone call number three for me was the charm- the health services office at her university assured me that if she placed a call to them, they would waive the restriction and off to registration-land she could go. My panic lessened; solutions were on the horizon. I called her, she called them, and in minutes she had a spring schedule and was on her way to the rest of her day.

And my 20 minute window had just expired.

Fortunately as that day continued it held no more surprises good or bad, which was fine with me. After a quick dinner out, I stopped at the store. i proceeded to get in what appeared to be the shortest checkout line. (If you've ever shopped, you know what's coming next.) The woman in front of me was trying to redeem her grocery store coupon for her free turkey. She had a lovely looking bird there, but as I caught the conversation, I could hear the store employees telling her she had picked too nice a catch. Her choice was definitely a turkey upgrade from what the free coupon allowed for... instead of getting the nice fresh gobbler, I think she was supposed to have chosen the frozen block of meat that resembled a bowling ball.

They tried voiding the purchase. We waited.

They tried voiding the whole order. We waited.

They tried fooling the register into thinking that she really had purchased the right fowl.

We waited some more.

Five minutes passed. A store employee went to get another turkey, and when she reappeared, it sure looked to all of us in line like the same brand of turkey that had just been denied only minutes before.

So, again we waited.

As all good responsible shoppers do, the lady who was trying to buy this bird turned to us line-waiters and got very apologetic. Sadly for her, the line was getting longer and longer, the employees were running out of options, and the cash register was still locked up. What to do, her eyes pleaded; what to do?

For me, this waiting was not a bad thing. I had been in constant motion and on my feet all day, so to stand still in the same place for five to ten minutes wasn't bothering me one bit. In actuality, it felt great to not complain and just enjoy my extra time between the candy and the magazines. When Mrs. Turkey Buyer turned to me and started bashfully apologizing for how long this was taking and how she was holding things up, I seized the opportunity to spread a little Thanksgiving cheer. I just looked at her and said, "Hey - if this is the worst thing that happens to me all day, then I'm doing pretty good."

She looked relieved.

I continued, "After what I've been through in the past twenty four hours, this is nothing. I don't know about the rest of the line, but I'm in no hurry; I'm fine. Take your time." Her face showed extreme gratitude and appreciation, and inwardly I felt that I had just learned that it's all about perspective. I was tired and looking for a rest; she got the wrong plucked piece of meat and had held up the entire checkout line. Together, we had the perfect storm.

On a different day, if I was late and pressed for time, I might not have reacted quite as gracefully (shame on me). But it didn't happen on another day; it happened to me on a day after a very bad run of life events. It gave me a new sensitivity; I could sense that Miss Mis-turkey needed a break, and God knew He had taught me enough in the past twenty-four hours to put me in the position to give it to her.

It was then I realized it had been worth going through all I’d gone through in order to be able to give a little grace in a turkey moment.

And I can only hope she would have done the same for me.

the accidental tourist

2011-11-09T18:06:00.002-05:00

I took this picture as we were sitting outside the bookstore at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. We had seen two Amish families inside with their children, perusing the items and being tourists just like we were. I love this picture- the non-straight walk of the little boy as they go off hand in hand into the sunset, just like any other Grand Canyon visitor coming out of the bookstore that afternoon.

Except that they were Amish.

It was very refreshing to me that this time, they were the tourists.

Where I live in Pennsylvania, I'm used to the tourists going to them.

Now I know where they go to get away from it all.....

the gift of getting it all done

2011-11-03T11:29:00.000-04:00

I'm breathing a little easier.

I think I finally got it all done.

For now.

October was a wild month- an 8-day missions trip smack dab in the middle of the month surrounded by full time work before and after; an-all day women's workshop event two weeks after our return (with my part having to be cancelled due to the freak East Coast Halloween snowstorm, thank you very much); four college application processes to go through with my high school senior before the end of the month, plus the daily grind of, well, the daily grind.

During the craziness, I would come home from my workday and start right in at my home office and work until I needed to sleep. Every day had a list - a long one- of things that needed to be tended to, paid, written, applied for, or called about.

I was getting exhausted.

But as of last night, it was all done. All the catching up, all the running around, all the phonecalls and bills and applications. And I could look back and say- this free time I have now is truly a gift. I can appreciate it completely because of the burning-the- candle-at-both-ends kind of schedule I had to keep up these past few weeks.

And I learned that for a season, I can work at an intense pace and still be nice.

Through it all, God gave me grace to handle it. I ran out of hours before I ran out of patience; I had everything I needed just when I needed it; I didn't sweat the small stuff or the big stuff, but instead I barged ahead and kept going figuring it would all work out.

It did. God is good.

Time to go enjoy my gift!

getting real

2011-10-27T20:02:00.001-04:00

I apply my Maybelline foundation like war paint to hide any flaws or imperfections as I get ready to face the day. I want people to think that what they see is the real me- very together, with no crow's feet, laugh lines or wrinkles.

(When you find a foundation that actually pulls off this magic act, let me know).

I walk away from the mirror feeling confident, yet fake, knowing that I'm hiding behind a thick layer of medium beige from a bottle. Who am I kidding anyway? I'm almost 50 years old - nobody at 50 years old has perfect skin anymore, unless it's been photo-shopped on. And it's really ok. The laugh lines are there, thankfully, because I've laughed. The freckles probably because I've had a lot of summers to spend time in the sun. The crows feet because I've lived long enough to have....well..... crow's feet.

And this is all good.

It feels better to be real.

Better than being beige from a bottle.

It's the same with who we are. We have a hard time being real. We're scared to tell our story. We're leary of letting on who we really are. We're afraid of sharing what we've been through.

But, why?

Where is the unwritten rule that says we have to have it all together to be happy, popular, liked, loved, accepted, adored?

I am much more endeared to a person when they share their story, their struggle, their heart.

Because then I don't feel so alone in what I've gone through.

I've found that encouraging women to be real is one of my passions. Encouraging them to do so and then listening and supporting them - no matter what they say. Accepting them no matter what. Hearing their hurt and thereby hearing their heart.

I love to hear what they have to say and watch them get bolder and stronger for saying it. The fear goes away. God uses the hurt. And hearts get healed.

So throw away that bottle of beige. Show those wrinkles. Enjoy your laugh lines.

Be real with yourself, your friends and your God.

You never know who needs to hear your real story in order to deal with their own.

local flavor

2011-10-13T13:17:00.000-04:00

We loaded in the van at 3:30 pm yesterday with our guide, Leslie from CHIEF, and she took us on a tour of the mesas where a lot of the traditional Hopi live. They are simply named First Mesa, Second Mesa, and Third Mesa, in order from east to west. It's amazing that there are communities up on these high plateaus and the people there count a lot on tourism and selling their wares (pottery, carved wood) to make a little income. We were not allowed to take pictures on top of the mesa (due to it being traditional sacred ground) but we got some great shots on the way up and down!

They saw us coming (somehow) and three men walked down the hill to try to sell us carvings and drawings.

And here's the hill -

Even tho we weren't allowed pictures on the top, Leslie knew one family well and asked permission. Savannah was giggling as I showed her my phone and told her I would take her picture and then let her see it right afterwards.

We were running out of daylight so it was time to come down and head home for a traditional Hopi meal being prepared for us by Kay.

On the drive home, we caught the moon coming up over the canyon.

Awesome.

away for the week

2011-10-10T18:12:00.001-04:00

I'm posting this week over at News from the Mesa. I am living on a Hopi Indian reservation with 7 others from our church, and the two of us women along for the ride are responsible for supporting the working men by providing meals, helping out where we can, documenting the trip through photography and keeping in touch with folks back home via the blog.

Of course, I have my own ways of communicating with back home...

if is stand in just the right spot and don't move so as to keep my cell service! It's hard to break those mom ties completely, even for a week.

I'm getting to do things I love to do...

in amazing surroundings worlds different from where I live.

So, check out News from the Mesa and we'll see you there!

out of town

2011-10-10T00:45:00.002-04:00

Blogging with photos this week over at http://www.davisvillearizonateam.blogspot.com/

Having a wonderful time in Keams Canyon, Arizona!

Stop over to the other blog and check it out - see you there!

packing

2011-10-05T21:48:00.002-04:00

On Saturday, I'm headed to Keam's Canyon, AZ for a week-long mission trip with the Hopi Indians.

So, among other things I'm doing to prepare, I'm....

Packing.

It's always a stressful dilemma for me.

One of this and two of that.

A bunch of these and oh yes, some of those.

Did I get it all? Will I have enough?

What if it's hot during the day? What if it's chilly at night?

Am I prepared?

Whoa. Slow down. Wait a minute.

Am I prepared....that's a really good question.

The answer isn't in the luggage.

Or in my carry on.

Or in my laptop case.

It's in my heart.

Am I asking God to go before me on this trip and prepare the hearts of the people we will be ministering to and serving?

Am I praying for the team that I'm a part of?

Am I spending time in His word getting to know Him better in here before I go out there?

Good questions. Tough answers.

For now I'm done packing my suitcase.

I need to work on packing my heart.

westward bound

2011-10-03T16:38:00.000-04:00

This Saturday I will be heading out to Arizona to spend 7 days on a Hopi Indian reservation. I am part of the team that Davisville Church is sending out to cooperate with CHIEF missionaries in the area. There are 6 men on the team who will be doing repairs to the Hopi church and some other community buildings. My friend Jo and I will be responsible for providing meals for the men, documenting the trip through blogging and photography, and possibly leading a women's bible study there one night. We will also be supporting the work and construction in any way possible - even if it's just hauling the trash!

It will be quite an adventure; for starters I know there are currently no available showers (until our guys put them in - we made sure that was their first project), we cannot drink or cook with the water as it is laced with arsenic, and our nearest large store will be over 3 hours away making it impractical to do any "runs" to such a store during our week there. We will land in Phoenix, pass through Flagstaff, and in doing so pick up all supplies, food and items we will need for our next 7 days on the reservation.

Did I say challenge??

At home is my comfy bed. Awaiting me there is an air mattress and sleeping bag.

At home is my familiar routine. There, I will need to be flexible to do whatever I need to do whenever I need to do it.

At home is a closet full of clothes and a fridge full of food - there I will hope and pray I packed the clothing and will most likely make daily trips to the small local food mart to get what we need for that day.

Challenge.

This is what "out of my comfort zone" looks like.

But this also excites and encourages me that I can do more than I think I can.

God goes before the whole team, and it should prove to be an amazing time. If you like, you can follow us here -

http://davisvillearizonateam.blogspot.com/

We would ask for your prayers as we go forth in this God-sized task!!

Plant life

2011-09-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

I have this plant.

I can't remember the name of it, but it was gorgeous when I got it.

I nurtured and cared for it, watered it, gave it food and light.

One day it started to look saggy. It must need more water, I thought.

I watered. It looked worse.

Aha! It needs transplanting, I thought.

I went to A.C. Moore and got an adorable oversized teacup planter.

I repotted my plant in it, watered and waited.

Days.

It still didn't look good.

Life got busy, and I forgot about my wilting flora.

By the time I remembered to water the now-dry soil, my whole plant looked better. Perkier. But that would be crazy backwards, I thought.

So I watered it more.

The next time it got bone dry, I noticed the same thing. A happy plant awaited me. Right before I gave it some water.

Finally something told me that enough was enough. I decided I would wait it out and see if my theory of dry soil restoration would prove to be true. I resisted the temptation to dump on it from the watering can as I quenched the obvious thirst of the plants around it. I forced myself to walk away.

When I could stand it no longer, I got in close to inspect how my experiment was going. There in the crumbling, dusty, hard-as-rock soil were large shoots of new growth, fresh leaves, and buds ready to bloom. The existing foliage was looking greener than ever, and instead of draping lazily over the edge of the teacup, the flowers from before were starting to spring to life and head towards the sky again.

The parched soil was enabling life and growth to flourish.

How often we are there. Life can be dry sometimes. We think we are spinning our wheels, just waiting to be watered again, but oh my, what's happening in us and in our hearts during the dry spells. That's often when we learn the most and the best about God and how awesome He is.

The water will come.

Growth can happen in the hard rocky soil of our lives and our days.

And we flourish.

cat nap

2011-09-08T16:38:00.001-04:00

Flooding or no....

a rainy day is always a good day....

for a nap.

Be safe and enjoy!

golden trust

2011-09-05T19:26:00.002-04:00

My poor Lucy. She had chewed the fur off a spot in her leg and now bare skin was exposed. I sensed there were going to be physical consequences if left unattended, so our vet gave me an alcohol spray to spritz on the area twice daily.

The first night I sat on the floor and called her over, spray in hand. When she sat beside me, I aimed the medicine at the bare spot and squeezed the trigger. As it hit her skin, she jumped and pulled in closer to me. Knowing I didn't get enough on, I sprayed it again, and this time the pain was so great that she pressed into me hard enough to knock me off balance.

And if she hadn't knocked me off balance, the sheer irony of the situation would have.

You see, I was the one currently responsible for causing her pain.

But because of our relationship, she knew she could trust me and sought to find comfort in me.

It blew me away. Instead of running from me, she sought my protection. Instead of lashing out, she drew closer. Instead of blaming me, she wanted my love.

I thought about what I do when I sense that God is allowing some pain to pass through His hands and into my life. I realize that I

run the other way,

     let Him know that this is not part of my plan,

            usually have a hard time cozying up to Him because I now feel life is unfair; this should not be happening to me.

I don't usually body slam into Him for comfort, love and protection.

But according to my dog, that's exactly what I'm supposed to do.

And once I'm there close to His side, God will do for me exactly what I did for Lucy that night - put His arms around me, tell me He's so sorry but this present pain is indeed necessary, and stick right beside me until the hurt starts to diminish.

And show me that a healed wound is better than an open one.

Shadow Mover

2011-09-03T08:56:00.000-04:00

   I sat in the chair, my heart heavy with concern over relationships that needed mending and hearts that needed healing. I was praying but I felt as if my words were only audible to my ears.

I’m not usually in the habit of testing God, but that day I let my Bible fall open to wherever it wanted and asked God to show me something that would give me hope, that would give me truth to cling to. For the first time, I read this passage in 2 Kings 20 -

   Isaiah answered, “This is the Lord’s sign to you that the Lord will do what he has promised: Shall the shadow go forward ten steps, or shall it go back ten steps?”
“It is a simple matter for the shadow to go forward ten steps,” said Hezekiah. “Rather, have it go back ten steps.”   Then the prophet Isaiah called on the Lord, and the Lord made the shadow go back the ten steps it had gone down on the stairway of Ahaz.

A shadow going backwards? What a miracle that would be; like something right out of Tales from the Supernatural.   It was the opposite of what should have naturally happened.

We all know it’s easy for the shadow to go forward. Piece of cake. Normal everyday occurrence. And to be honest, that’s how I’d prefer all my problems to be solved. I’d like my difficulties to work out in the midst of ordinary, daily activity that doesn’t take me out of my way or make me late. I’d rather not have to do anything special on my part in order to see God work or move. I just want to live my life and assume that He’ll show up, fix everything and on we go.

It’s simpler that way (for me).

But for a shadow to go backwards?

That takes patience and effort.

That means I’ll have to stop what I’m doing and look specifically for God.

And that was exactly what I needed to do.

I asked God to be my shadow mover that day.   I had no idea at the time what that was going to look like or what I even meant when I said it. But since I’d already tested God a little and hadn’t been struck by lightning (yet), I figured I should keep driving right through that open door and ask Him for just a wee bit more while I had His attention.

I’m glad I did because He showed up big time. Not only did He move the shadow, but He knocked down walls and healed hearts along the way. It was like a 3-for-1 sale in the miracle aisle.

I learned that day that God is my shadow mover. He doesn’t ask me to do the extraordinary, only to look for it and give Him the credit.

Simple enough, even for me.

Photo Credit

Guest blogging on (in)courage today!

2011-09-02T07:53:00.001-04:00

As I busily scribbled thoughts in my journal one especially difficult morning, the more I wrote the more I thought, "This is the stuff of a blog post". It was one of those wonderful it-all-came-together times where sentences and ideas flowed as I joined all those thoughts together and created what I sent off to (in)courage for submission.

It's my great joy to see it on their website today, and I'd be thrilled if you'd stop by! See you there!

Joy, joy, joy!

2011-08-31T14:47:00.004-04:00

Yay!

Wonderful news!

On Friday, September 2nd, my post will be featured on (in)courage. I'd be pleased as punch if you take a minute to stop by!

If you've never been to (in)courage, well, you just don't know what you're missing. It's the online beach house for women, the pull-up-a-chair-and-let's-chat cyber getaway where we gals can meet and connect and share. As they put it, it's home for the hearts of women. I couldn't agree more.

See you there and.....don't forget to bring the chocolate!

beginning of the end

2011-08-30T21:32:00.000-04:00

As the new school year starts, a lot of us moms are lamenting how fast time passes. I'll join right in with my rant since tomorrow my youngest becomes a senior in high school. (I have no idea how this has happened, being as I'm still 29).

This should not be - just last week I was sending him off to first grade, terrified he wouldn't be able to navigate the hallways by himself and praying he'd eat his lunch. Today he navigates roadways as the driver of a car and is currently at China Buffet paying for his own dinner. My, my, my.

One day they depend on us, the next day not so much. And there we stand, mothers without a children's world anymore. Moms with no need for back to school lists and lunchboxes. Momma bears that have more free time on their hands than ever and are looking around for something to do.

It's all the way it's supposed to be, and I get that. And if you've been here before and read what I've had to say, you can see this is a (slightly) recurring theme with me.

Because it blows me away.

Because time moves so fast.

Because I so love being a mom.

It's time for me to shift a bit. Handle a little emptiness, listen to a little quiet. I can do it. I'd rather not....but I can. Now to see what God's going to do next....

Keeping track

2011-08-17T08:47:00.001-04:00

I walked. She ran.

I had on baggy summer clearance items from Kmart. She looked stylish in her spandex leggings and tank top with sparkle trim.

I was squinting in the sun, while she wore large square Foster Grants that completed her outfit.

I felt less than trim and fit; she had my dream figure already but was still working out.

Comparisons.

We all do it (especially us women), and it's deadly and dangerous.

If I had allowed myself to dwell on the differences between this gal who I shared the track with and myself, I would have felt defeated within moments. The more I looked at her, the more I felt inadequate. And that simply isn't the truth.

I don't know this woman or her circumstances. She may be out running because she has to battle the depression she faces over losing her job. She might be killing time because she can't deal with another evening alone in an empty house where there used to be family. Or, she might be like me and just simply getting some exercise before heading to the store to buy groceries.

Fortunately, age and experience has taught me to not play the comparison game. I'm better than I used to be at silencing those contrasting thoughts and realizing that I'm summing someone up by appearances only. As a child of God, I know that my acceptance and worth is wrapped up in being His child, and I need look no further than up to know that I am wholly and fully loved. Just as I am.

And that frees my soul to keep walking.

21 today

2011-08-15T17:03:00.001-04:00

21 years ago today I was getting ready to be driven to the hospital to have a baby girl...today, that girl drove herself out of here to return to her apartment at college.

I'm not sure how this is humanly possible.

Her old bedroom (which used to be my old bedroom) is now my office; I can decorate and accessorize it to my heart's content.

Yet there are many days I wish it were still filled with curling irons, styling spray, contact lens cases and various bottles of perfume.

She's loud and occasionally obnoxious and a bit bossy.....

But I miss hearing her sing to her stereo and yell out my name a hundred times a day.

I always tell my children I didn't have them so that they could grow up and leave me, but....

they do anyway.

And amazingly, that's the way it's supposed to be.

Just takes a little getting used to.

guest blogging today

2011-07-26T09:27:00.003-04:00

Exciting news!

I have the honor of being the guest poster today at Melinda Todd's "Trailing After God" blog. Here's the link - http://melindatodd.com/shadow-mover-by-beth-coulto

Stop on over and I'll see you there!

don't tweeze and drive

2011-07-21T15:27:00.001-04:00

I'll admit it. Sometimes when I'm driving, if I glance in the rear view mirror and see a stray piece of eyebrow that needs to come out, I'll reach for my tweezers in my purse and start plucking. It only takes a moment for me to shimmy myself up in my driver's seat and get as close to the mirror as I can and, with one eye on the road and the other definitely somewhere else, take care of those stray hairs that are ruining my look.

I always see it as getting two things done at once....driving and beautifying.

Works for me.

But I'm sure it's putting others at risk.

Which brings me to the word "multitask".

Wouldn't it be great if either: a) my life were simple and uncluttered enough that I never had to do more than one thing at once or b) I had so much time in my day that I never had to double or triple up on tasks- I could do and focus on one at a time.

Are we better because we can and do multitask? Or are we worse off because instead of giving one project (yes, tweezing is a project to me) 100% of our attention at one time we give two or more 50% or less?

I'm not sure there's a definitive answer, or will ever be one. And the answer may change depending upon the situation we find ourselves in.

But I know for sure that when I tweeze and drive, there's no way I can pay full attention to either task. This is surely a no-no for my face and for traffic.

I need to remember what's important. What needs my full attention. In the age of needing/wanting/trying to do many things at once, I'm still not sure that's how God designed any of us to be.

What say you?

motherly advice

2011-07-15T10:18:00.001-04:00

Since our youngest got his driver's license a month ago, now we have three children who all drive and have their own car.

We have 5 cars that need space in our driveway.

Someone's gotta park on the grass.

This wasn't a problem when I got my license back in 19(you fill in the blank). My mom had a car and my dad had a car. Simple. And for me that meant that if I ever wanted to actually take advantage of my license, I needed to borrow a vehicle from someone. Usually that someone wasn't Dad because he had to go to work all day.

Default loaner car = Mom's big green station wagon.

Yay me.

Since my mother didn't work outside our home, it generally wasn't a problem to get the car for an hour or a day. The problem was that I didn't have much income, and the station wagon's gas tank took a fair amount of income to keep it filled even back in those days. I did the best I could to help out on my meager summer-job salary, but I can remember being in a quandry one night over needing to give the wagon some juice because I wanted to go out with my friends, but not having any cash on hand.

My mother in her wisdom said to me,

"Maybe you'll have to tell your friends you can't go because you don't have enough money to put gas in the car."

Oh. My. Gosh. The truth was out. My mother really was from another planet.

I can't remember what happened that evening, but I'm sure I begged, borrowed or stole so that I could drive away with my head held high because there was no way a statement like that was coming out of my mouth.

Somehow my kids keep their cars running, gassed up, and on the road. I don't ask; they don't tell. But if they ever need my advice, I've got some ready to give.

Thanks, Mom.

best and worst of friends

2011-07-06T15:02:00.005-04:00

Lucy is trying to be good.

She's doing her darndest to be the best Golden Retriever ever.

But she's being taken down by a 10 pound cat.

It all started on Mother's Day when I got the gift of my not-so-distant-past dreams, a homeless cat from the SPCA that I had seen the week before. As our family took turns renaming the kitty to make her our very own (they all thought "Lady" was a dumb name), I gazed at her black and white fur and said, "Moo. She looks like a cow and we'll call her Moo."

My kids were glad it was time for dessert so that they could have a reason to leave the room.

My cat/my name, I told them. And Moo it is.

Lucy had been top dog here, literally, in the pet department. Ever since Tiger died last August (another creatively named feline as you can tell), she'd been the only animal attraction on the property. She got all the love, the hugs, the kisses, the bones and most of the water.

Until Moo moved in.

That cat can hiss. She can arch her back like the steel in St. Louis and spew enough venom across the room to kill us all. And to see our 75-pound furry fourth child cower in fear, not wanting to come out of her crate in the morning because prima donna fuzzball is eating her Fancy Feast nearby, just saddens my heart. And also makes me laugh.

Over the weeks we've watched their proximity grow. Instead of living on separate floors, they now both live comfortably upstairs, preferably at least nine feet apart. When Moo saunters in, Lucy watches her with a closely trained eye to see where she's going to nap next. And I've caught Lucy sniffing out the house to see where Miss Kitty has gone so that she can curl up on the floor somewhere underneath the cat's current perch of a windowsill or easy chair.

Lucy means no harm. And Moo means no kindness.

Maybe one day, they'll be friends.

You just never know.

happy birthday to him

2011-07-05T16:40:00.000-04:00

He sits in his room shooting hoops, except the basketball is an item of clothing from his clean laundry pile and the basket is the top shelf of his closet. With a throw that resembles magic in motion, he lands each piece precisely where he wants it without ever leaving the comfort of his desk chair. This chair swivels as well so as I watch him from the doorway, I inquire, "Is that how you put your laundry away?" He refrains from gracefully arc-ing yet another tshirt in the air and seamlessly turns to me saying, "Yep".

Seventeen years old tomorrow this Michael Jordan of the laundry will be. I reminisce back to 17 years ago today- I was waddling, hot, waiting, ready. I was about to have child #3 and then we would be done. But with children numbers 1 and 2 already having taken over the house, I knew the longer this one stayed unborn the easier my life would be, even if I was more uncomfortable than a whale out of water .

The next day the doctors decided that 2.5 weeks was a little too overdue and that this baby was going to be meeting his parents in just a few hours. As I walked in my lovely gown into a sterile environment, I looked over at the waiting warming tray that was about 21 inches long and knew that although I felt fine at the moment, soon I would be plunged into the laborious kingdom and would have to follow through until child #3 joined us in the room as a participant in this whole adventure.

I was ready to run.

The story has a happy ending as Spencer came into the world just before lunchtime on July 6, 1994, which was a very good thing as I was mighty hungry that day. And when child #3 goes home from the hospital he just naturally blends in with #1 and #2 and before you know it, he's driving his own car and shooting his own hoops of clean clothes.

And his mother is standing at the doorway just taking it all in with a smile.

Happy Birthday to my youngest!

Grounds for....

2011-07-03T21:57:00.003-04:00

...sculpture, fortunately.

An interesting place with interesting art in Hamilton, NJ.

http://www.groundsforsculpture.com/

A very cool place on a humid afternoon!

a father's day evening

2011-06-20T13:26:00.000-04:00

A quiet night spent at the wildflower preserve. Hope it was a good Sunday/Father's Day for all!

my father

2011-06-19T21:18:00.000-04:00

When I was a little girl, we lived just a few miles from a famous lookout tower which was built as a commemorative monument to George Washington and his army. My dad and I used to go there together.

It stands 125 feet tall and when you're a little girl, that's a lot of steps - in circular fashion nonetheless - to climb in order to get to the top.

I had a fear of the steps in the monument. I'm not sure if I was afraid of getting to the top, or the amount of work it would take to get to the top, or the narrowing shape in which the concrete slabs had to be constructed in order to form a circular staircase. One step too close to the inside and you could take quite a tumble.

I knew at a young age that this was a fear I needed to conquer. I was determined to make it up those stairs one day. After seeing my apprehension on our first visit there, my dad didn't try to coerce or convince me to proceed (even though it was an irrational fear) but instead took me on home and waited for the next opportunity.

Some time later, I came to him proudly announcing I was ready. Patiently he loaded me into the car, took me to the tower, and stood close by while I climbed all of three steps and announced I could go no further that day and was ready to go. With gentleness he loaded me back in the car, took me home, and waited until the next time I said I was ready.

This sequence of events happened once or twice more, but eventually there was that day of victory when, with my dad following close behind, I made it to the top of the tower. And from there the view was breathtaking, spectacular; had I let my fear of the climb hold me back I would have never experienced the wonder of being above the trees and being able to see for miles.

My earthly father is gone now, but I have a heavenly Father who does the same kind of thing for me. When fear threatens to hold me back from something He has planned for me and knows I can do, He doesn't force. He's eternally patient. He lets me come around on my own time. He knows I'll get there eventually, and that when I see the view from His perspective, it'll take my breath away.

I only need to trust Him.

moving on

2011-06-14T12:00:00.001-04:00

I sit beside him in the passenger seat, looking over at this six-foot-tall boy who used to be my baby. My youngest. My third and final child. And here I am, sitting in a seat that lacks any sort of controls for this vehicle while his long legs stretch out under the steering wheel. He accelerates and we get in line to practice for his driver's road test.

How is it possible that he's driving and I'm not? How did we get here? His first 17 years are a blur; a smudge of everything pasted together that builds a life which goes way too quickly. And while I'm happy for him as he grows into his independence, my heart aches for the last bit of dependency he still had on me...running him everywhere he needed to go.

With this new freedom he will have, I will have my own as well. After raising three children, I won't be beholden to anyone to get them anywhere. I will have only my own schedule to keep and can do as I please (well, within reason). My nest is getting emptier, that's for sure. It's an adjustment.

We give them roots to give them wings. I loved giving them roots, but still struggle with the wings part. I suppose that's universal with us moms and comes with the territory.

So to take my mind off it I think I'll plan a trip to the beach....

what to blog about?

2011-06-11T15:51:00.000-04:00

A quiet Saturday afternoon. Cool. Rainy. Peaceful. No One In Particular Needs Me.
To me that says "writing time."

Excitedly I gathered my tea, laptop, and other accessories I can't seem to go 15 feet without and got cozy at the table. This is going to be great, I thought. Uninterrupted time to post something on my blog.

As my cursor blinked at me every other moment wooing me to hit the keyboard and begin, I thought, "What on earth am I going to write about?"

And then I smiled.

I having nothing to say. And I love it.

Too often I have much to get out. Much that needs to be worked on, discussed, brought up, sorted through. But when I'm speechless, it's because things are Simple. Ordinary. Peaceful. Strife-less.

And No One In Particular Needs Me.

I audibly sigh and realize I'm thankful, for now, to be without material. Days of peace are welcome, and God is good - as always - to be providing so faithfully. Having seen Him in the storm, I know He's present in the calm. And like grabbing a breath between labor pains, I need the plain times to soothe my soul because undoubtedly there's something else coming just around the bend.

But until then, I shall enjoy the gift of an ordinary day.

Rain rain go away

2011-05-21T11:26:00.000-04:00

We've had a week of rain. A solid week. Even the few times when the sun appeared for its 15 seconds of fame, it kept raining. Gradually, my thinking started to change. I felt that dry days were gone forever and I wouldn't see sunshine again.

I know that's not true. So why would I think that?

Because what was happening at the time was so real and convincing, it was hard to believe that life would ever be different.

Our circumstances and emotions hold this power over us as well. We get enmeshed in what's going on around us, and as it pounds away at our soul and doesn't let up we begin to believe the lie that whatever is happening is permanent. The new normal. The way life will always be from here on in.

But that's simply not true.

There is nothing as constant as change. When things are bad, they will get better. When things are good, well....there will undoubtedly be a tough bend in the road at some point.

But our God doesn't change.

As the waves crash against the rocks and we feel that all we've known is lost never to return, God is there, and He's the same God He was when things were great. And when our joy overwhelms us and our hearts sing because they are light, God is there and He's the one who rescued us from all our troubles.

Our lives change.

They shift.

Sometimes beautiful, sometimes dark with shadows.

We never know what a day will bring.

We need an unchanging God.

Life is hard....and then you blog

2011-05-20T10:47:00.001-04:00

No one really wants to hear about my latest difficult experiences. And I don't blame them. I don't particularly want to hear about my most recent tales of woe either. I'm weary of it. I'd prefer to leave it all behind.

But I can't deny it or pretend that it hasn't happened.

And I shouldn't. The circumstances, trials, pains, joys and suffering that have been parading down my road represent the hands that press in to shape a lump of wet clay as it turns on the potters wheel. It's amazing that with the right skill, what starts as an insignificant colorless ball of substance can be turned into a beautiful piece of art.

But not without some pressure.

Life's been hard. For me, for you, for my family, for most folks I rub shoulders with. And when it gets so down and dirty, it keeps me from creative pursuits; I don't feel like writing, reading, blogging, studying, photographing. It's all I can do to get through what needs to be done and make sure I'm im one piece at the end of the day.

But then it starts to ease up. The spinning slows down, and the hands, for now, finish their work and let go for a little while. And I feel the old me return.

And in the midst of my joy, I desire to write. To read. To blog.

God is good, all the time. There are times when His goodness comes through as strong hands providing shape to a lump of clay and let me tell you, it's most unpleasant. But He knows that if He didn't do that, we'd go splattering off the wheel in all kinds of directions and would never become a finished piece.

Bear with it.

Go with it.

God's working on His creation. You.

a new day

2011-04-24T10:29:00.000-04:00

Friday was dark. Dreary. Depressing. Hope was lost, condemned to die and nailed to a cross.

Saturday was quiet. Eerie. Waiting. Wondering. Hearts sank as the loneliness crept in.

Sunday was curious. Amongst empty tombs, Jesus-less linens and rolled away stones, hope spiked, if only for an instant. Commotion stirred. Wise men doubted what they desperately wanted to believe.

On Sunday, weeping women were met on the path by a risen savior.

And the new day was here.

Stability

2011-04-13T18:00:00.000-04:00

My favorite winter sitting spot in my family room now affords me a slightly different view. When I look out the window there are buds on the trees, the yellow forsythia has burst forth, and there is green on the winter grass. The cycling through of a year seems to go faster each time; I catch myself saying, "I can't believe it's time for this again already."

There is hope and predictability in the seasons- I love that I can depend on them to do their thing even when I find that my life is changing like shifting sand. It's good to know the dogwood still blooms, the robins return and the weather gets warmer.

Just like last year.

I believe God build predictability and stability into His creation to remind us that He is never-changing. The sun rises, the sun sets, the stars come out. Same routine day after day. (thank goodness for that.) Everything that He has made is always on time; rarely early, never late.

But always on time.

The occurences of nature and creation reassure me as I look out the window of my sometimes crazy life and see that around me, all is as it should be because God has it under control.

It is then that I realize I can give him my finite problems, broken relationships and daily stresses.

He seems to be able to keep the earth rotating on his axis without any help from me.

But I would have a hard time keeping my world from spinning out of control without a lot of help from Him.

Dreams

2011-03-26T14:49:00.000-04:00

Today was one of those days where a recurring theme kept coming up.

And today's lesson was....dreams.

This morning I was preparing to teach about Joseph revealing himself to his brothers and seeing a 22 year dream fulfilled. What an amazing feeling that must have been. Joseph received what a lot of us long for; a sense of closure from God as he realized his dreams had not been forgotten.

This afternoon I clicked on an ad/link to the right of my Facebook page- which I never do for fear I'll download every computer virus known to man - and it took me to a website that emails daily challenges for healthy living. It looked innocent enough so I signed up and got taken right to today's challenge. It read,

"Define your dream."

Ok, you don't have to tell me twice. Or maybe you do.

Anyway, I got the picture loud and clear. God wants me to learn or work on something to do with my dreams.

But let me ask you this - how do we know which dreams are from God and which ones are just of our own making?

24 hours

2011-03-18T21:02:00.000-04:00

Another dawn. Another day. You've just gotten out of bed but you're already out of breath. You wring your hands while looking at the last twinkling star in the dark sky of early morning and think, What will today be like? Easier than yesterday? Harder? Can I really do this again?

God gives each of us a set of 24 hours. My sets used to be straightforward and rather simple, but since Christmas they've been upsetting, unsettling, shifting like sand and at times downright frightening. They've carved more out of me than I thought I had to give, and 8 hours sleep (if I'm lucky) doesn't often seem like enough time to refuel and get up and do it all over again.

When someone you live with is hurting, when someone you love deeply is a shell of their former self, when someone you gave life to doesn't want it anymore,

your world changes.

Your perspective shifts.

Your focus blurs,

and nothing looks the same.

But God never changes. You cling to that truth even when you wonder if there really is a God.

Just because your world is bouncing like a yo-yo on a string doesn't mean that God doesn't still have His finger in the loophole, keeping you tethered to Him whether you feel close or far from His presence.

The current set of 24 hours passes. You look back and wonder how you got through it all. And then you remember how.

It's because there really is a God.

greener grass

2011-02-17T20:26:00.000-05:00

Whine. Complain. Moan. Groan. I'm disappointed in the Isrealites when I read about them. They just didn't get it. God got them out of a terrible situation, yet it doesn't take them long to launch into a tirade of complaints about their new set of circumstances. Not only that, they look back with rose colored glasses and want to return to some of the worst days of their lives.

At one point they are wailing about their current menu. They are actually weeping. They are bending Moses' ear saying, "If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we used to eat in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions and the garlic...."

And let's not forget the slavery.

Whine. Complain. Moan. Groan. I'm disappointed in myself when I see how I act. I just don't get it. God gets me out of a terrible situation, yet it doesn't take me long to launch into a tirade of complaints about my new set of circumstances. Not only that, I look back with rose colored glasses and want to return to some of the worst days of my life.

Lord, where I am now is where you want me to be. There's no need to return and live in the past. The slavery is over; what you've given me now is so much better. Please remind me of that when I look back and see only greener grass - help me to remember that there was also a weed or two.

when it all makes sense

2011-02-10T17:05:00.001-05:00

We have a jigsaw puzzle out on our kitchen table right now that my husband and sons constructed a few weeks ago. It was a good activity for a snowy evening; the three of them worked almost silently as they each tackled a section piece by piece. As puzzles always go, after much trial and error all the pieces went together in the part they were working on individually, and they joined their 3 large sections together to create the entire picture. Then it all made sense. The work was finished and now there was a small masterpiece to behold.

Our family has just come through a time where we've had to wait a long while before any of the pieces of the life puzzle we were trying to put together made sense. For months we just kept pushing the pieces around the tabletop, trying to make them fit with this or that one, but we never got the connection we sought after. Despair and frustration ruled in force; unanswered prayers went up constantly; fear and dread managed most of our days.

Then this past weekend, the first piece found its partner. Then another did. And another. Without fanfare or preamble or introduction, God worked silently to start to join the tattered edges together so that one of these days we are going to behold the whole masterpiece. I've waited a long time to see even a bit of the puzzle come to life, and I'm starting to make out a bit of the picture that's emerging as each day gets us a bit closer to having it all make sense.

God is in the waiting. God designed the puzzle. And God will put it all back together again one of these days.

Under the Wrapping

2011-01-30T13:49:00.001-05:00

His Voice Alone

2011-01-24T12:09:00.001-05:00

Fun news! I'm excited to announce that I've been accepted as a regular contributor on the website, "His Voice Alone". My post is up today- and we'd love it if you would go check it out -thanks!

Here's the link -
http://hisvoicealone.com/?p=102

See you there!

Back to Blogging

2011-01-20T21:55:00.000-05:00

Would anyone notice? I asked myself.

Would anyone care? I wondered.

If I just walked away from my blog and let it die a natural death, would anyone miss it?

I thought about these things one day as I was realizing I hadn't blogged much lately. A tough fall and winter had seemed to take it out of me- getting through each day and being there for those who needed me during that time was enough to fill each set of 24 hours.

Then out of the blue the other day I got an email from a friend who wrote, " Hey Beth, I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your blog. I read all of 2010 the other day. Your writing has really improved. By that I mean that it feels more natural to me. I am a bit of a wanna be writer myself and always enjoy "good" writing. I could really see your growth over the last two years. Good job! Keep it up. I admire your goal setting and the accomplishment that shows. Thanks for sharing your life, struggles and joys. I found I could relate to a lot of what you were saying even though the circumstances were different. Thanks again. Looking forward to reading more."

What a blessing. What a re-charge. I gave her a call to thank her for the shot in the arm she provided and to let her know how much it meant to me. I assured her I would be blogging again; it was about time.

I couldn't help but pick up on her line that said, "I am a bit of a wanna be writer myself." I encouraged her to go for it - to start blogging and see where it would lead. If you'd like to follow her, her blog is here.

It's all about community- supporting one another and having each other's backs.

Speaking of which- it worked for me. It feels good to be back.

wrap up

2010-12-29T14:56:00.000-05:00

Real joy. Real pain. Real hope. Real sorrow.

I've felt all of these over the course of the past months. It was a long and difficult fall which turned into a slightly better but still stressful winter.

I don't know if I've ever experienced the heights and depths of emotions as I have through this most recent time. Joy so sweet I could taste it and wished it would last forever. Sorrow so all-consuming that I couldn't believe it was happening to me.

I haven't blogged since September with any consistency. I haven't felt like it, plain and simple. When God's putting you through the spin cycle of the washing machine and you spend days hoping for that final rinse to come on so the whole thing can be over, it's hard to find the joy of anything to write about.

I've been the encourager needing encouragement. The one who usually offers hope needing hope to come my way.

And it did.

It came through unexpected friends. As I was vulnerable with them, they were equally open and vulnerable with me and they shared their experiences that so closely matched mine, I knew it had to be of God. While it didn't answer my situation, it gave me hope and possibility and a light at the end of the tunnel. To know others have walked the dark waters where you are gives you something to hold on to, even if it doesn't work out the same for you in the end.

Now I am at the end of December. I am kissing 2010 goodbye and tossing it aside as fast as I can. But if it hadn't been the 2010 it was, I wouldn't have grown. If it hadn't been the 2010 it was, I wouldn't have been called to trust. If it hadn't been the 2010 it was, I wouldn't know the trials and their positive outcomes as I do.

God never wastes a hurt. I pray that what I've journeyed through this past year will be helpful to someone else in 2011. I pray that the highs and lows of the waves that tossed me about will turn into calmer seas.

I walk into 2011 a different person because of what I watched God do in 2010.

And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Unexpected Love

2010-12-12T16:04:00.000-05:00

Loves comes in unexpected forms.

Love comes in unexpected times.

Love comes in unexpected places.

Love comes in unexpected people.

God's love was born quietly when we least expected it

in a manger where we least expected it

at a time when we most needed it.

God knows what we need and right when we need it.

We can expect Him to do the unexpected.

bookstore concert

2010-12-06T11:08:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to sing at Barnes and Noble. While that might seem like an unlikely mix, it was by invitation that our theater group got asked to sing and provide some holiday music while all purchases made during that time gave a nice kickback to our theater. Clearly a win-win for all.

But the best part of the whole afternoon was watching unsuspecting shoppers enter the store mid-concert, destined to buy books but immediately being sung to of the merriment of the holiday. It was like an attack of festivity. If there had been any bah humbugging going on, it all faded as soon as they set foot in the store. Their faces said, "Am I on Candid Camera?" but their smiles assured us that they liked what they were hearing.

It's sweetened my holiday season to look back today and remember their smirks and smiles and what-do-you-know kinds of looks. I hope our singing sweetened theirs a little, too.

What's an unexpected shopping surprise you've had recently?

looking ahead

2010-12-04T20:28:00.000-05:00

New day, new year. Yesterday I turned 49; today I am fully launched into my 50th year of life. What will this year between 49 and 50 look like? Right now it's a bit like standing backstage and holding the curtain open to take a peek at action while waiting my turn to perform. To me, turning 50 - and to many of us I think - is still a landmark event, even if 50 is the new 30, 40 or, heaven forbid, 65.

I made a few resolutions today. I'd like to focus on myself (in a healthy, self-preserving way) this year so that when I get to my 50th birthday in 364 days, I can look back and say that I've invested in things and ways I want to be from that age on.

I want to....

   worry less, pray more.

   commit to less, relax more.

   enjoy and savor everyday moments more.

   soak up what's going on around me more.

   do less, enjoy free time more.

And one biggie for me .... instead of worrying about what I'm not actively accomplishing, look back and realize what I have done.

Who's with me?

Aaron Reynolds and Neil Numberman are visiting today on their Blog Tour!

2010-12-03T07:00:00.005-05:00

BUG MAKES IT BIG IN GRAPHIC NOVELS…HERE’S HOW

by Aaron Reynolds and Neil Numberman

(Interior. Aaron Reynolds, a writer of children’s books and graphic novels, is sitting at his writing desk. He’s typing, but suddenly stops when a shadow falls over his screen. It’s a kid, about ten or eleven.)

Aaron: (looking up) Hey.

Kid: Hey. Whatcha doin’?

Aaron: Um…writing. Who are you? What are you doing in my writing room?

Kid: I’m just some random kid.

Aaron: Ah. A random kid in my writing room. Okay.

Kid: Yeah. Act like I’m not here. (pause…Aaron starts to get back to work, but is interrupted) Aren’t you an author?

Aaron: (turning back around) Ignore you, huh? That’s gonna be tricky. Yeah. I write kid’s books and graphic novels.

Kid: Graphic novels? Like comic books?

Aaron: Kinda.

Kid: Whatcha writing now?

Aaron: An article about how a graphic novel gets made, but I wanted to write it LIKE a graphic novel, so that’s what I’m doing.

Kid: But…there’s no pictures. A graphic novel has lots of pictures.

Aaron: Not at first. Not mine anyway.

Kid: What?

Aaron: Seriously. I don’t draw.

Kid: I must have the wrong house then. I thought the dude that lives here makes graphic novels.

Aaron: I do. But I don’t draw them….I write them.

(Kid pauses while he thinks about this, then…)

Kid: That’s messed up.

Aaron: No, it’s not.

Kid: You can’t make a graphic novel without being able to draw.

Aaron: Well, I do. Like my new graphic novel…it’s called Joey Fly, Private Eye…

Kid: Way to work that in there. Nice plug. Smooth.

Aaron: Yeah, thanks. Well, Joey Fly starts out like this. A script, just like this one.

Kid: Just the stuff people say?

Aaron: Mostly. I also write in what I see happening in each scene.

(Kid flops into a big cushy chair and puts his feet on Aaron’s writing desk, makes himself at home. He looks at Aaron like he’s lost his mind.)

Aaron: See? Like that. It’s called “stage directions”.

Kid: Oh cool! Like actions and stuff!

Aaron: Yeah, exactly.

Kid: Do it again.

(Kid gets up, kind of excited now. He’s putting it all together in his head, but then he notices a fresh sandwich on Aaron’s desk. Goes over, lifts the bread…he’s kinda hungry…but decides he doesn’t like tuna. Flops back down in the chair.)

Kid: Hey, that’s awesome how you made me do all that stuff! And I do hate tuna.

Aaron: It’s a script. In the graphic novel, I write the story. I come up with the characters. In Joey Fly, Private Eye, I create what happens, what characters are in it, all that stuff. Then I put it into a story…a script like this.

Kid: But it’s not a graphic novel. No pictures.

Aaron: Not yet. It will be soon. But first, I break it into panels.

Kid: Panels?

Panel

Aaron: Like this. Chunks. How I imagine it will get broken into boxes in the finished graphic novel. This helps me figure out the flow and pacing of the story, helps me cut extra junk that’s not needed, and helps the illustrator figure out how he’s gonna lay out the pictures on the page.

Panel

Kid: Cool. I notice you use lots of words like “gonna” and “whatcha” and stuff. My Language Arts teacher would go nuts on you for that.

Panel

Aaron: Yeah, well… I try to write how people really talk. I think that’s important, especially for a graphic novel. It all depends on the character. Like, Joey Fly says some gonnas, but he also uses lots of detective-y phrases…

Panel

Joey: Life in the bug city. It ain’t easy. Crime sticks to this city like a one-winged fly on a fifty-cent swatter.

Panel

Aaron: Like that. That’s his opening line in the book.

Kid: Okay, that’s pretty funny.

Panel

Aaron: Well, I try.

Panel

Kid: But it’s still not a graphic novel.

Panel

Aaron: Man, for a random kid who shows up in my writing room, you’re seriously pushy.

Panel

Kid: Do you know many eleven-year-olds? We’re all like this.

Aaron: That’s right. Not being one, I forget sometimes.

Panel

Aaron: Well, now that it’s all broken into panels, I give it to my publisher. And once she’s happy with it, she sends it off to the illustrator and he starts drawing.

Panel

Kid: You tell him what to draw?

Aaron: No.

Panel

Kid: You tell him what the characters should look like?

Aaron: No.

Panel

Kid: What do you tell him?

Aaron: Nothing. Most of the time, we never even meet.

Panel

(pause…the kid’s mouth is hanging open.)

Panel

Kid: That is seriously messed up.

Panel

Aaron: That’s how it works. Unless you are the writer and the illustrator (which I’m not…I don’t draw, remember?), that’s how it works.

Panel:

Kid: So what happens then?

Aaron: The illustrator looks at it and begins to sketch out what he thinks the characters look like.

Panel

Aaron: Like, for Joey Fly, Private Eye, the illustrator is a guy named Neil Numberman.

Panel

Neil: Hey kid. What’s up? Hey Aaron.

Panel

Aaron: Hey Neil. So, Neil might decide after reading this script that you look like this:

Panel

Kid: That’s me?

Neil: Yep.

Panel

Kid: You made me a bug!

Neil: Well, we’re talking about Joey Fly, Private Eye, so I’m thinking in bugs. It’s my job to use my imagination, to come up with my ideas of what Aaron’s characters and story look like.

Panel

Kid: Cool.

Panel

Neil: And as I start drawing and figuring out what it all looks like, Aaron’s story moves away from being a script and I start creating real characters…

Neil: …and pretty soon, I take Aaron’s written words and begin to put them into the mouths of the characters I’ve created.

Aaron Reynolds is a human, not a bug, but he often writes about bugs. He is the author of Chicks and Salsa, Superhero School, Buffalo Wings, and, of course, the Joey Fly, Private Eye graphic novels.

Neil Numberman is a termite currently residing in New York City. Joey Fly, Private Eye is his first graphic novel, but he is also the author/illustrator of the picture book Do NOT Build a Frankenstein.

And for every 10 comments that are left, one random winner will be drawn to receive a bug caricature done by Neil!. Many thanks in advance, Neil!

So- let the comments roll, and enter the chance to win!

not trying to bug you, but...

2010-12-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

In less than 48 hours we will have the wonderful and talented pair of Aaron Reynolds and Neil Numberman stopping by my blog to give you the scoop on the creation of their latest book,

You'll be able to read about what they do and how they do it - and the process that takes them there.

Fascinating stuff!

And remember- for every ten comments, there will be a winner of one of Neil's drawings.

See you on Friday!

Save the date!

2010-11-30T09:52:00.001-05:00

Friday December 3rd is going to be loads of fun! Not only because it's my birthday ;) but because I'll be hosting a guest blog for author Aaron Reynolds and illustrator Neil Numberman to help promote their new book, "Joey Fly, Private Eye in Big Hairy Drama"!!

Aaron and Neil will be telling us all about their new book AND there will be a comment contest with giveaways. Neil has graciously offered to do a bug-caricature for ONE OUT OF EVERY TEN COMMENTS chosen randomly. It's gonna be a Fabulous Friday this week - remember to stop by, check it out, and leave a comment for your chance to win an illustrated giveaway by Neil! See you soon!

investing....

2010-11-17T10:42:00.000-05:00

I knew I was in trouble when the assistant at the lingerie store who was helping me with my fitting said, "Well, you know, when you're paying like $40 for one of these, what can you expect?" Forty dollars? And she was using that as a cheap example? I was accustomed to paying about $12.99 at Kmart, and that was when I was feeling wealthy.

Since I was on the other side of the dressing room door, she couldn't see my jaw dropping. Sounding nonchalant, I asked, "And how much do these from your store cost?"

I was able to purchase two that day, but those are going to have to last me most of the rest of my life.

But I learned a valuable lesson - yes, from undergarments- about quality vs. quantity. I could either invest in something that was going to hold up (and hold me up) longer, or go the other route and end up possibly spending more money in replacement costs over and over and over.

Life is like that. We often dole out quantity without much quality involved. Quality takes more from us- it costs us something, thereby becoming more of an investment in what we're doing. Quality demands a slower pace; it requires time, thought, and effort. Quantity can be thrown out over and over and over and not necessarily get us anywhere.

So I would challenge you and me today- what are we already doing that perhaps could use a little quality? Is there a place, a person, a need that should be getting more of you; an investment?

Hold that up in prayer.

nothing

2010-11-15T10:42:00.001-05:00

I've got nothing.

No words of wisdom, no spiritual parallels to draw, no wit to share.

Some times are just like that.

The winds and storms that have blown through my life have left me feeling dry, empty and numb in more than a few places.

When times like that come and linger, I find it difficult to find anything to write about - except the hard times. And I figure no one really likes to hear about my doom and gloom.

Recently I've stumbled upon posts and writings about abiding. I'm definitely in an abiding time right now. I heard a friend talk about a difficult time in her life, and she stated, " It was easy to run to the Lord when things were so bad...because there was simply nowhere else to go but to Him." Amen. Things can get so messy and so complicated and so bigger than I am, that the answer is stunningly clear - run to God. He's the only one Who could know how to work this all out.

So I run to Him and grab tight. And on those days when I get to the end of my rope, I make a knot and hold on some more.

Abiding.

There's a deep sense of quieting in my soul. There's an uncanny sense of peace. His character of care and love comes through. He asks me to end my frenzy of trying to tie all the loose ends together and instead, give it to Him.

Gladly.

veggies

2010-11-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

This morning I had a piece of carrot cake for breakfast.

And while that's hardly the breakfast of champions, a friend of mine pointed out that it did have carrots in it.

Then I thought back to the yogurt covered raisins I had prior to the carrot cake.

And I got to feeling pretty darned good about myself.

So far today, I'm a vegetarian.

How's your Monday going?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2010-11-06T08:07:00.000-04:00

....especially over at (in)courage where they are having a Christmas Card drive of epic proportions!

If you'd like to brighten a child's Christmas in Ecuador this year by simply designing a Christmas card for them at a nominal price through Dayspring cards, click here to go to (in)courage's post about what to do and how to do it, and the impact it will make. I plan to join in the fun and reach across the miles to a child who needs a smile this Christmas Day. I hope you will too!

a quail and manna life

2010-11-04T10:28:00.000-04:00

2010 has been a rough year for our family.

I say that because it started tough, and it's finishing tough. Certainly there have been blessings and good times and victories along the way, but there's also been a lot of dark storm clouds that seem to blow to the side for just a bit before they come back and whip up another hurricane.

In an especially difficult time in one of my adult children's lives, they recently told me- "God gives me enough provision (aka hope, relief, sanity) to get me through one day. No more, no less." In thinking about that, I realized my child is living a quail and manna life- having just what they need for the 24 hours ahead of them, and knowing that it won't be enough to get them through tomorrow.

God knows what you need for today - how much and how little. God has enough for you for tomorrow, too. Trust Him to provide the quail and the manna.

goodnight moon

2010-10-26T21:02:00.000-04:00

Besides being a classic picture book, it's also a wonderful sight.

Sheer exhaustion has me heading to bed early tonight. Hope your day was good. We get another one tomorrow.

fall @ home

2010-10-25T08:00:00.001-04:00

This season is a photographer's playground....

It always amazes me that before they die, the leaves go out in a blaze of glory like the last colorful explosion at a fireworks show on the 4th of July. How privileged we are to have the chance to see such an array of hues before they drop to the ground.

Where will you get your color from today?

Fall at the Quaker Meetinghouse

2010-10-24T17:49:00.000-04:00

Today, it was a blaze of color....

Here's hoping you had a colorful Sunday.

Morning

2010-10-23T08:49:00.000-04:00

I love the dawning sky.

Love how those black clouds can go away with the start of a new day.

easy peasy

2010-10-14T10:38:00.000-04:00

This Thursday's list of what I'm thankful for comes easily.

I'm thankful that:

My son is home from college and staying for a few days.

My daughter is arriving home from college this afternoon (and also staying for a few days).

They get to both be in their friends' wedding on Saturday.

The feel of family is all over my house.

God's got it all under control, even when I don't.

In the comment section below, tell us - What are you thankful for today?

It's a McLinky Carnival!

2010-10-12T11:08:00.000-04:00

What's a McLinky carnival? Well, it has nothing to do with cheeseburgers and fries, let me assure you. It has to do with having that special encourager in your life that has spurred you on time and time again. Go on over to (in)courage and check it out!

just change your pants, george

2010-10-09T08:00:00.001-04:00

Does anyone remember this scene from the movie Beethoven, back in 1992?

Alice: "Just change your pants, George."
George: "I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket! If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt! If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie! I hafta change my belt! I gotta change my shoes! I gotta change my socks!"
Alice: "Just change your pants, George."

We had a similar situation the other day on a smaller scale. My husband was getting ready for work, which on that day called for the inclusion of a suit jacket. He had on the tie and the shirt, but when he slipped the jacket on, I said,

"Oh, no. That doesn't work at all."

Thinking I meant his simplest accessory, he went back into his closet, took off his tie, and grabbed another one. Still a no go from me. One more time in for a different tie, and after he tied it and pulled on the jacket again, I told him the bottom line. "It's not the tie. It's the shirt."

Of course, this was not really what he wanted to hear because it was more of an overhaul if he had to start back at the shirt part of the process. I couldn't blame him- I'd hate to have to start over again too when I'm ready to walk out the door.

In that moment I thought about it and realized how often in my daily life I am just switching ties when the real problem is my shirt. I invest in and trade a lot of surface stuff, hoping for a match, instead of getting to the main issue and fixing that. Why?

Because it's messier and dirtier and more time-consuming (and heart revealing) to deal with what really matters and needs to be changed. It's easier to keep switching around the small-ticket items hoping to bandaid the problem long enough to get me through another day.

Usually somewhere between tie #54 and #55, God looks me in the eye and says, "Stop switching accessories. You need to deal with the heart of this. Now. Sit down and let's get this straightened out." And what I'm about to do takes time, revelation, some unveiling and occasionally (ok, usually) confession and repentance.

But the heart transformation that takes place when God is done with me and my issue is worth every minute.

He knows what tie goes with what shirt that looks great with the jacket. And when he coordinates my heart and lines it up according to His plan, I've got a match.

Drum roll, please

2010-10-07T07:52:00.000-04:00

Today's the day! I have the fantastic opportunity to be a guest blogger over at the (in)courage site. It's a wonderful place- go on over and check it out!

You can check out my guest post directly by clicking here.

Thanks for stopping by and we'll see you over at (in)courage!

a sneak peak at tomorrow

2010-10-06T14:04:00.000-04:00

Fun news...I get to be the guest blogger tomorrow, Thursday, October 7th, on the awesome women's ministry site of (in)courage ! I'll put a link here on my blog tomorrow that will go straight to my guest post there. I'm thrilled and excited to be able to share on their site- it's an online beach house for us gals that is warm and welcoming.

I'd love it if you'd dropped by (in)courage tomorrow to read my post and others. I have a feeling once you do, you'll be hooked and stop by every day. I'm just sayin'....

perfect baking weather

2010-10-05T13:26:00.001-04:00

Cold, gray rainy days. Fantastic days for baking delectable treats. Yummy items where you'd rather eat the dough than the baked product. But with our household getting smaller and with those of us left in the house trying to keep our waistlines that way too, I am not baking much these days. But I thought this was the perfect place to include my story of my fearless attempt to whip some bananas into shape one summer afternoon. Go here to read about the fun I had!

Bon appetit!

fall things

2010-10-03T17:48:00.000-04:00

I got a nice little Canon Powershot on Saturday - while I love my larger digital SLR, it's not practical to take with me every day and everywhere; so I felt the definite need (not a want, a need, mind you) to get myself something powerful yet purse-size.

The fruit of some of my labor (which isn't laborious at all- it's a blast) -

an afternoon at the doggie expo

2010-10-02T20:26:00.000-04:00

What fun, what fun. A beautiful October afternoon and a parking lot full of dogs. We took ours but almost wished we hadn't (tug, tug, pull, pull). But we figured it was her one social event of the year. Maybe even the decade. Or, quite possibly, her entire life. Once she simmered down we had a calmer time.

And despite what you see in these pictures, this was not just a Golden Retriever show. I'm just partial.

I thought October would never get here....

2010-10-01T11:13:00.001-04:00

Happy October 1st!

I wanted to write a little somethin' somethin' to celebrate this new and hopefully cold month.

Sing the following lyrics to the tune, "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things".

(And no, that's not Julie Andrews under the bag.)

Leaves that are falling and rust colored sweaters

Sending my college kids emails, not letters

Seeing how much a used textbook can bring

These are a few of my favorite fall things.

Rainy cold days with hot tea that is brewing

Reading instead of the chores I’m not doing

Wild geese seem smart as they leave until spring

These are a few of my favorite fall things.

No more white dresses or bleach for them needed

Labor Day’s passed so wear skirts dark and pleated.

Snuggling in hoodies with those pesky strings

These are a few of my favorite fall things.

When the dog barks

At the school bus

And my kids look sad

I smile and remember – still nine months of school!

And then I don’t feel.....so bad :)

It's Thursday, and I'm thankful

2010-09-30T10:14:00.001-04:00

Weeks roll by faster than the stuffing at Thanksgiving dinner when I need to have a post up each Thursday! Believe me, it's a great blogging habit - gets me on a schedule.

It's Thursday again.

I'm thankful for rain - we need it.

I'm thankful for the presence of God in my life- I need Him.

I'm thankful for my kids- they still need me. :)

Your turn, once again. What are you thankful for today, this week, this moment?

the good, the bad and the ugly

2010-09-29T17:19:00.002-04:00

Those three have been my close friends the past few weeks. If you notice in that phrase, there's only one positive to two negatives. I think that's because in this life of ours to live, the bad and the ugly are there all the time, even when the good is present. Each day has its fill and its share of all three. Even Paul talks about this in the Bible, when he speaks about doing the good he wants to do

but the bad is right there with him.

This whole concept is nothing new. But it seems like the latter two have sure had their hayday recently in my life, and I'm constantly needing to look for the good.

And with God, I find it. Somedays it's like hacking through jungle vines to get to it, but it's there. The bad and the ugly want to turn my thoughts away from the good things in my life and from God himself, but if I can hack the clearing big enough - and that takes effort and work - righteousness and hope and healing take center stage and I can smile again.

When you're deep into the bad and the ugly, you have to look for the good. I need to remember that God has already won the war, even when I'm fighting the battle. And that's a reason to get up in the morning.

I'm thankful it's Thursday...

2010-09-23T11:37:00.000-04:00

Keeping in the tradition of stopping by here to leave a comment of what you're thankful for every Thursday, I thought I'd start us out with just one piece of praise from me.

I'm thankful because....

it's Thursday.

It's been a long week. But yet a good one, and I'm watching God move and change people and work things out.

But there are times I could still use a nap.

So, what are you thankful for today?

What to write, what to write?

2010-09-17T10:51:00.000-04:00

I've been asking Corey Schwartz, a writing partner, that question a lot this past week. Ugh. So many ideas- how do I know which to give my hours, time, commitment and devotion to? What if I slave away for days, dismissing chocolate and all things lovely, only to produce something that won't submit, much less sell? How much time should one put into any idea before they figure out whether to embrace it or scrap it?

When do we stop the madness???????

Then I read this excellent blog post this morning by Darcy Pattison, and thought I'd share it here with you all. It helps to answer my rambling brain's question.

"I've started a new novel: it’s plotted, has character sketches, did research for certain aspects of it, and rewrote a first chapter in about 5 different voices until I’m happy with it.

But the new novel never really caught my passion. I’m interested, love the premise, think the characters have great potential and I’d really like to read this book. Really.

But somehow, the passion never came. The drive to get to the computer to see what happens next, to make the next section come to life.

So, one day, I started reading through all the old novels that life in bits and bytes on my computer and — well, one caught my interest. It’s a novel that was too edgy when I wrote it, and now, seems tame in comparison to today’s edgy. But, with some work, some revision, maybe. . .

Last week and this week, I can’t wait to get to the computer and work. This is the right story to be working on right now: its time has come.

Sometimes, we wander through this writing life not knowing what to work on next, where to turn. What story would sell the best, what would please editors or readers? Wrong questions: where’s the passion? I know I”m doing some of the best work I’ve ever done on this story because, finally, I’ve found a story that excites me. Finally, I care."

Love that.

How do you know when to pursue an idea and when to leave it behind? Leave a comment - I'd love to know!

Take a minute...

2010-09-16T08:00:00.012-04:00

...to give thanks this Thursday. If you are new to my blog, this Thursday thing is a small tradition I started here to remind me and you to pause, take a moment, and count the good stuff going on. After all, there's always going to be the bad, the undesirable, the un-asked for things in our lives. But in amongst that are pockets of joy, contentment, and peace if we look for them.

The main question we have to ask ourselves is this - Which set of circumstances are we going to focus on?

Your entire day depends on it.

I'll start us off...

I'm thankful for cooler weather! (really, I am)

For all the kids I get to work with every day who make me laugh and smile.

For having a God big enough to handle what's coming my way today, if I'll only I'll get out of the way and let Him.

Leave your thankful comment below. Let's encourage each other with what's going right in our lives!

speak to me

2010-09-13T20:46:00.002-04:00

I love my nail salon. I really do.

I love the sweet, hard working Asian couple who own it.

I love patronizing their business and helping them succeed.

I love their talent and their thoroughness and their attention to detail.

But frankly, the place is an enigma to me.

On my first visit, one of the manicurists stood out immediately by the mere fact that she was not Asian. Although it seemed unusual that they would employ a single American as part of their team, I really didn't give it too much thought.

Until she spoke.

I listened in silent wonder as this woman - who I was sure was their token American worker - chattered effortlessly in fluent Asian-ese with everyone else who worked in the salon. It was hard for me to take my eyes off of her as unfamiliar syllables flowed out of her mouth as easy as apple pie. The contradiction of her English look and her not-so-English language was hard to wrap my brain around.

My next visit, I got Miss Not-So-American as my manicurist. In talking to her over filing and nail polish, I discovered she had a daughter that worked at the very store my daughter and I were going to be shopping at that afternoon. Perfect! I thought. Maybe seeing her daughter would put another piece into the puzzle I still hadn't figured out. I asked her who to ask for; what her daughter looked like. "Oh", she replied. "Just ask for Kimberly. She's a little Asian girl....."

Rats. This wasn't helping at all.

We met Kimberly that afternoon. Beautiful Asian young woman. Hard to believe, with a mother that looked like she'd stepped straight off the Mayflower. The puzzle was still incomplete.

I simply resigned to never being able to figure it out. I decided that when at the salon, I'll continue in wonder at the mismatch of persona and language and that will be that.

But the clincher was my next appointment.

The owner of the salon, an Asian gal who looked like she should be speaking another language, was doing my nails. In the middle of it, she got a phone call. Opening her phone, I heard her say, "Hello? Oh, hi Mom. How are you?" It was her mother. And their entire conversation was in plain, understandable-by-me English.

I had to smile.

Only in America.

National Day of Encouragement

2010-09-12T14:47:00.003-04:00

Do you know that today is the National Day of Encouragement? And to celebrate, the wonderful gals at (in)courage recently gave away free packs of the new Dayspring Hope and Encouragement line of greeting cards to those of us who requested them and promised in turn to use one to specifically encourage someone in our lives and then blog about it. So here I am.

I sent out one of the Hope and Encouragement cards to a very dear friend who works in our Life Development office at Davisville Church where I am on staff. She has recently been through a difficult health diagnosis, and with two small boys at home (and one wonderful husband), she has been facing some rough waters. I sent the card with a lot of hope and prayer that the days ahead will be full of God's strength, peace and understanding as she charts her way along this new chapter in her life. I am planning to use others of the pack just for her, as she is someone who stands out in my life right now as needing some daily doses of encouragement.

It's good to invest in others; taking the time to call, send a card, write an email. Because I never know when the day will come when I might be on the other end of the encouragement need-line - the receiving end.

Thanks, (in)courage and Dayspring for helping me to be a better encourager!

Who can you encourage today, and how will you do that?

fountain of youth

2010-09-10T21:58:00.002-04:00

I try to keep up with looking good at my age. I really do.

But I don't go overboard on products, realizing there really is no miracle lotion that will tighten, smooth, de-wrinkle and clarify all at the same time. And that's about what I'd need any beauty cream to do to make it worth my money.

This is not to say that the occasional product doesn't catch my eye, though. I always figure maybe my newest discovery via television commercial is finally the stuff that's gonna be transforming. Like throwing out a life preserver, I hope that I'll catch the fountain of youth after all and won't have to continually Cover Girl those imperfections I see.

So I bought the latest and greatest. And as I opened the bag to pull out what I beheld as the serum of unblemished life, I called down the hallway to my perfectly and tightly skinned 20 year old daughter, " Look what I got today! It's called Dramatic Firming Cream."

She called back, "Let's hope it works," as she shut the bathroom door.

Hey. I heard that.

And now, this is war.

Thanks on Thursday

2010-09-09T19:36:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe how quickly Thursday rolls around....

Let's be thankful!

For me, I'm thankful for...

1. Good news this week that will be forthcoming on this blog as soon as it can!

2. Healthy kids.

3. Stable jobs.

Your turn. Leave a comment below with what you are thankful for today.

bloom where you're planted

2010-09-07T17:25:00.000-04:00

Through a series of unfortunate events, Joseph ended up in Potiphar's house after being sold by his brothers. (Imagine how good that made him feel inside.) The longer he lived in Potiphar's house, the better the situation got for Joseph. Potiphar was finding that he didn't have to worry about one thing (except his food, we're told) as long as Joseph was around- everything was being managed perfectly well by this new import.

Can you picture the joy on Potiphar's face? He's beaming with an I-sure-could-get-used-to-this kind of smile. And in all of it, the beautiful fact is that Joseph was just being Joseph. God had gifted him with the natural abilities to oversee, manage, arrange, coordinate and handle everything assigned to him and he was living up to every part of it.

Enter Potiphar's wife. Enter more unfortunate events.

Lies, blame, and false accusations land Joseph in jail for a crime he didn't commit.

Unfair? Yes. Worth fighting against? I would think so. But Joseph continues to be Joseph. Seemingly without complaining, he realizes that God has allowed his address to change, but not his abilities. Soon, the prison is running swimmingly as Joseph once again rises to the top of the managerial ladder and all of those around him realize this is one talented individual.

I can't say I would have reacted like Joseph did. I'm thinking I would have been so busy trying to get out of this unwelcome plan B and back to the way my life was during plan A that I wouldn't have been attempting to see how God might use me in this new situation.

Shame on me.

This account in Genesis 39 gives fresh meaning to the phrase, "Bloom where you're planted." God can use you anywhere.

You just have to stop asking "why" long enough to stop and let God show you how.

too busy for God

2010-09-05T09:58:00.000-04:00

Life these past few weeks has been busy.

Crazy.

Fun.

The house has been like Grand Central. College kids packing, leaving, and me cleaning up in their wake. Company coming, having a blast, then they too had to go. Taking on a whirlwind day at the shore the day before school started. And, school starting.

It's enough to wear any sane person out for a little while.

In contrast, with all of that activity over, this weekend is a chunk of silence. And surprisingly, I wasn't too happy about that. I love the busy-ness. I love the revolving door. I love the action and activity.

But I've noticed something about myself when life gets like that.

I've noticed that God can easily get put on the back burner.

And that's not where He should be. He should be front and center, all the time, every day.

Quietness will bring me back to that. Back to Him. Back to the way things should be. And maybe next time when I get so busy, I'll also get a little balance.

How do you balance your busy-ness and your God?

thanks - it's thursday....

2010-09-02T11:00:00.000-04:00

What's going on about you that you can be thankful for today?

Some of you will have to dig deep, others will be brimming with ideas on the surface. Either way - there's something.

For me, I'm thankful that my three children are all happily back at their respective schools and are moving along in their life's journey.

I'm thankful that school has started and I've returned to my job as a librarian's assistant at our two local elementary schools.

I'm thankful that it's not supposed to be 95 degrees tomorrow...finally.

Your turn!

Leave a comment below telling us what you're thankful for.

You never know just who might need to hear about it......

think before you write

2010-08-27T09:37:00.000-04:00

I learned a valuable lesson yesterday.

Just as words spoken can't be taken back, neither can emails written that you regret as soon as you send them.

You see, someone pointed out something to me on an email that I should have taken in the light manner in which it was intended, but I felt wronged; oh woe is me. My mind rallied against what I had just read and thought, "Where is the thanks? Where is the praise? Where is the applause for all I have done?"

So I went with my gut and shot back a curt, sarcastic retort.

And the minute I walked my self-righteous body away from the computer, I knew I had blown it.

Moments later, I was reading Proverbs 26, my Proverb-for-the-day (one for each day of August). "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself." That was me. (and the email sender was no fool, but you get my point). Instead of being the "bigger person", like I'm always telling my kids and everyone else around me to be, I resorted to being the wee, small, hurt individual who cowered in pain and had no better answer than to cut someone else down.

Ouch.

I'm praying to not let that happen again.

When have you had to be "the bigger person"? How did you handle it? or, not?

thanks, thursday

2010-08-26T14:27:00.001-04:00

It's Thursday. A good day to give thanks.

After all, Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday. Gotta love that pumpkin pie.

I thought it would be a good idea to slow down our week every week on this day and list one, two, or as many things as you would like that you are thankful for.

Some Thursdays you'll have to clear out the cobwebs and look deep into a corner of you to find even one thing. (But it is there, trust me). Other Thursdays your fingers will be eager to type, because you'll be eager to share, because life and God have been just so good.

Life is ebb and flow, but there's always something good going on, somewhere in our lives.

I'll start -

I'm thankful that my son arrived safely by plane from Illinois yesterday.

I'm thankful that all my kids are now in their fall semester places; be it here or there. It's all good.

I'm thankful that I can look forward to going back to school, a change of pace, a new routine. (let's see how long that lasts before I'm longing for the good ol' days of summer...)

Today, my list could go on, but those are my top three.

Your turn!

In the comment section, leave what you are thankful for today.

You never know if by doing so, you may encourage another life.

and away they go

2010-08-23T09:47:00.001-04:00

Final hugs, long goodbyes (goofy faces, see picture on right) - as they both head off to their own worlds of college, apartments, classes, and the like. Independence, freedom, fun and GPA's - that's what I say is important.

Cherish today; even though where you are feels like you'll be there forever, time marches on and waits for no one. Little ones grow up and leave your home- but never your heart.

I'm sure there's an overused cliche or two in there, but sometimes they ring so true I can't say it any better myself.

when your heart aches

2010-08-22T11:34:00.000-04:00

These are my 20-year-old daughter's hands, holding my favorite food. I love how placing them together side-by-side that way, they roughly form a heart. I believe that's no accident; that's by design.

This is a tough weekend for me. My heart is aching. College campuses are calling my two oldest children back and my youngest, at 16, is accompanying his older brother on the ride to Illinois for his last semester before he graduates. All my children are leaving the summer nest at once, with only one returning via airplane on Wednesday. And when I told him last night not too miss me too much and that I'd see him soon when I picked him up , his response was, "Yeah, okay. And what day is that?" Wednesday, my dear. You need to get on a plane on Wednesday. Of this week. Good luck with that.

And if this isn't bad enough, tomorrow my daughter is moving with two friends into an apartment for her junior year - a real one. An off campus, rent-paying, can-live-there-year-round-if-she-wants-to apartment. Ugh. That means I don't necessarily get her at home for a month at Christmas, she now will have the availability to have us over for Easter dinner, and next summer has no guarantee of her lengthy return.

I have a feeling the landscape of our home is on the verge of permanent change.

But there have to be some upsides.

1. No more tuition bills after January for my firstborn. That works.

2. If she's getting an apartment, then I'm getting her room.

3. Two more high school years until we pack up Mr. Your Flight is Wednesday and ship him off to his own college campus in one of these great 50 states of ours and my hubby and I have the entire house to ourselves.

Well, when I put it that way, my heart is starting to feel somewhat better..... ;)

taking out the trash

2010-08-21T10:25:00.004-04:00

I hadn't even noticed it was piling up.

Slowly but surely, the trash in my life had been accumulating. It was the quietest garbage I'd ever (not) heard, and it fit in so comfortably and slipped in so discreetly that I didn't miss the room it was taking up.

Kind of like when you put things behind the garage. You don't realize how much is there until one day you decide you'd like to use that area for something else, something better, and when you see the mountainous heap of forgotten things, you exclaim, "Oh my word, where did all THIS come from?"

And you realize it's time to haul it away. And quick.

I'm seeing that's the way it had been with my thinking. Not to play a broken record, but I'm still talking about things I'm learning through Geneen Roth's book. Until I started reading it, I had no idea how far off course my thinking about food and eating was. Not only was I no longer on the right road, but somewhere along the line I had taken a detour that led to nowhere. The way I was headed was never going to take me where I wanted to go.

Perhaps you've had a time in your life like I'm having now- you read something, wrote something, heard something that so revolutionized your thinking that it blew you away. It was almost too good to be true, too simple to be true, but then

you put it into practice and learned that it worked. And you were amazed.

It's a wonderful feeling.

In Genesis 35:2, Jacob faced his own garbage heap situation. Having been told by God that it's time they move on, he calls a household meeting . Jacob has one important instruction for them before they pack their tents and load their camels. "Get rid of all the foreign gods you have with you, and purify yourselves and change your clothes."

Jacob had seen the light. He had come to his senses, realized how great God was and that He was all he needed. Foreign gods were worthless idols and excess baggage for the trip. In essence, their leader told them,

"We're moving on but before we do, we need to take out the trash."

Foreign gods only take up valuable room that God Himself wants to occupy. Lose the idols, gain a lighter load for your journey.

Where do you need to do that today?

packing up and going home

2010-08-19T20:49:00.000-04:00

There has been a walk of freedom for me this week. It's as if the war is over, and slowly but surely the soldiers are packing up their fiery weapons and heading home. There have been some final rounds shot off of "You'll never change" and "You can't do this", but those rifles are now out of bullets. The artillery of "What a failure" and "You are such a disappointment to yourself and everyone around you" has no target anymore. Not-so-friendly fire is falling on deserted, dry battlefields, and the militia is realizing that the victory has been won and they have been defeated.

Jesus already fought my battles, and came out victorious. It's time I start believing what He says about me, instead of the pre-programmed recording that I have running through my head 24/7 that isn't even the slightest bit near truth.

We all have things we listen to ourselves say about ourselves all day. Problem is, we've been listening to it so long that it's become our belief about who we are.

Stop and listen.

What are you saying to you?

Is any of it true, or is it a carryover from years gone by?

this present moment

2010-08-18T15:51:00.000-04:00

It's a quiet Wednesday afternoon. There is nothing to do. There's no pressure, no rush, no worry, no hurry. Times like this usually cause me to look for an activity, get my hands busy, get my mind going to avoid snacking. Nibbling. Eating out of boredom. But I'm thankful to say that my thinking is changing. I'm learning to be in the moment. To realize that any moment we have is a good one because it's ours, it's here, and we're alive within it. It's the most wonderful thing in the world.

I'm still working my way through the book Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth. I'm halfway through it and actually make myself stop reading after a few pages or a chapter because I can relate to it so deeply. I'm afraid I'll read and read and without realizing...I'll be done. I don't want it to be over because I am learning so much about change, about reality, and about myself.

I've experienced first-time freedoms over the past few days as a result of new perceptions, new realizations, new ways of viewing things. It's as refreshing as a summer rain.

And I realize that my biggest hurdle was not overcoming my fear of food.

It was overcoming my fear of me.